told you,you're my hardest goodbye.

Just something to hang on to when I look back to this year, this very year which have been unbelievably amazing as well as equally tiring. Let's just make this my final note for this year where I will try my very best to treasure the sweet, delete the pain; as someone has told me to. But it seems like that someone has left me all alone, again.

Who would have thought that this year was going to be the year where I was going to learn to handle so much loss, so much shocking news as well as so much pain? You know what hurts the most? It is when someone makes you loose something so dear to you and then making it return to you and then losing it again and again for a few times through the short span of a year? It is like giving you happiness and then taking it away; then returning the happiness and giving you high hopes and a heart full of joy when the next thing you know, it's gone again. It makes it worst when it happens again a day before something special, a day before a surprise was supposed to happen. But tomorrow's a brand new year, so maybe it's good as it is also a brand new start where everything can start afresh. Nevertheless, I'll still feel what I feel and you know it's going to take a long time to heal. How could you ever do this to me?

This year has also taught me to not trust people so easily, to be more matured in certain aspects of life, to appreciate certain things and to stand up for myself. I admit, the loss is painful, and I certainly don't have a single understanding to the reason given, but I guess I will need to deal with it although it happened too sudden. Think positive, stay cheerful.

I've had a great bunch of friends and they'll always be my great bunch of friends. I thank God for placing the best friends who understands me, who will walk all the way to my house just to go somewhere together, who will accompany me whenever I need someone, who gave me joy and so much more. I really appreciate someone who is very dear to me, who understands me and knows me best above all the rest, who will stay up with me, who did so many things with me and who has been such an amazing person in my life. I love you lar! :( But whatever it is that has happened, thank you for everything.

And for such a loving family, a wonderful extended family, a fun bunch of youth and a group of school friends who has helped me make my last year of high school life an amazing experience, a remarkable journey and a year not to be forgotten. To the group of people with the blue and white uniform, the prefect's, it's been a great time spent and a very worthwhile experience despite us being the bunch known for always being late for classes. It was also you people,the prefect's or more likely the prefect board where I've found something. I'll still treasure it though I've lost it.

And to God who has always been there for me, who has guided me in every step I took and about to take, who has provided and answered my prayers. No, I don't blame Him for what I've lost, perhaps as the quote that I stumbled upon this morning,

When God takes something from your grasp,
He's not punishing you,
but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

He probably just have better plans for me.
Although I'm already satisfied with what I have.

Throughout this whole year, I've made someone worried; made at least someone upset;scolded at least someone; for the first time, slept over at a friend's place; written a story for someone; flew overseas without parental guidance; worked in a restaurant overseas; spent quality time with a few people I never thought I would have; did things I never imagine myself doing it; being left alone and so much more.

You. leave me so clueless and lost at times. What do you expect me to do? Again, now I'm lost and I don't understand what's happening. How am I suppose to heal from this wound?

Through it all, I'm still amazed that I'm still going strong. I mean, still trying to be strong. There were at first love shared, hugs given then tears shed and hearts broken. I'll just have to learn how to detached.

I just want to end this year happily, can't you even grant me that wish?

Remember, I'll still be waiting.

Happy seventeenth birthday!