tell no lies tonight.

I've been listening to music all afternoon. Watching TV, reading, organizing my CDs, sleeping, poking extra holes in my shoe straps... anything to not think about how miserable I am when I think. I created this other me and this other world that I occasionally slip into when I can't deal with anything anymore. Sometimes today I've looked in the mirror and thought "I look alright, normal even. Nobody would think I was sick, and tired, and friendless. Nobody could guess just by looking that the only person I really cared about has just abandoned me" I flip a few entries back in my journal and remembered our snowball fight. We were so happy just a few days ago... I wish I could talk to you but I can't even look at you. I feel so bad. I want to apologize for the times I answered nothing when you asked "What's wrong?" Sometimes... sometimes I just didn't want to talk about things. I felt maybe my thoughts should stay in my head and maybe for once I should deal with it all on my own... I'm sorry I did that so often. All the memories we made... Look! Now I'm starting to cry. I wish we could still be friends. But I guess all we can be is sorry. - trying to forget.

and this speaks the truth.