whispers.

even if i had a ticket that allows me to trade in what i have for anything in the world,
i wouldn't trade what i have now for any other things.
for what i have is abundant.

dandelions.

Thank God for His guidance, protection & love.

So it was Hari Anugerah Cemerlang on Saturday. Reached school at around 7.15 am and saw a few of the prefect's. Not that i was getting an award, i was there to help teacher with the certificates for the top students, scholars, achievers and the souvenir for the VIP. and everything went well. hung around with the prefect's and helped teacher along with karrern. took some pictures, really stupid and funny ones. & i particularly like one. but, someone wasn't there in school that day.
later, mummy came and we stopped by hoe wei's house. then,went off to my mum's office in mont kiara. stopped by fun zone where she wanted to check things out and their cultural exposure that day. played in a children's playground with sister and i love the slide where you slide into a pool of plastic balls. it was really fun, like little toddlers all over again. (: then we went to their cultural exposure activity where there were Japanese kids and others. there was this one boy who was half British half Chinese & he looks like harry potter. they were playing games and then proceeded to this craft called 'the eye of God'. and i forgot, their cultural exposure that day was about Mexico. =) later on, we went back to mummy's office where she did her work while sis and I did word search. then, we called grandma to ask about my grandpa's condition and daddy decided to drive down to muar. so after a delicious Japanese lunch, we got back home and started packing. and off we went. I was so exhausted that i slept through the entire journey.
without turning into my grandparent's home, we went to the hospital. but then, only one person was allowed to enter. so,mummy, sis and i went around while waiting for daddy. went for dinner later on and went home for a good night's rest. but,the night didn't end that early. because white chicks was on, so we watched and i talked to someone for a while. apparently someone was watching the same show. talk about co-incidence. & that was about it.

Sunday was cell Sunday. but,i missed it. it was our youth's very first cell Sunday since being a younger youth to the actual youth.I heard they had a good time and enjoyed themselves. they even watched kungfu panda and played water balloons. :) anyway, drag myself out of bed at around 10. watched tv and dilly-dally here and there till around 5 where we decided to go visit grandpa again before we head home here in kl. as i enter the ward, i instantly felt that uncomfort. there's something about me and hospitals, we don't go well. I dislike hospitals but i like airports, except for the part where people leave for somewhere. anyway, walked to the end of the ward & there he was. on drips, looking uncomfortable while bearing the pain but didn't utter a single word of discomfort. grandpa has always been a tough man, so is grandma-she's a tough woman. even though he did not complain about anything and he wasn't able to walk because he had pneumonia, both sister & i started to cry in silence. as we left, we said a silent prayer for him. on the way home, i thought about stuff & I'm sure about something. (:

you don't know,
but I'm sure.

(: climb by me.

i don't know why i just needed to say everything i felt to someone i really trust and could lean on. maybe it's the sudden urge to drop everything off my shoulder.

where art thee,
my pillar of support and comfort,
my shelter, my listener, my consoler,
my prince?

between those actions.

today, i noticed.

i noticed that a few among the drama crew has not only changed from a certain angle, but has also been disrespectful and insincere to a few people. not only that, it's definite that those behind the masks are unwilling to leave their masks backstage, what more get rid of them? needless to say,this drama would never make it to the big screens.or maybe it would, because their real life drama's will be too interesting to forget.

do you know how it feels like to be always working with this drama team where majority of them have their own point of views and are reluctant to give in most of the times? it becomes worst when a particular one or two interfere and spoils the whole shooting after we have all decided on the best storyline & after a long draggy discussion where everyone wants to show their best to the director/producer?

I know you're confused, so am I.

to make it more understandable, I'll try my very best to put it in lay man terms. do not read on if you think you'll feel offended.
first off, we have character A. character A have been moody and quite upset lately, due to reasons i do not know. She have also been disrespectful to a certain few people.yes,character A is a girl.well, maybe she has her own reasons, but in my point of view, what's the use of showing your anger and hatred to people who are innocent? you know, you ask me for permission to do this certain thing, but before you even asked me, you were already doing it. so tell me,what's the point of asking me? you stare at people angrily as if we have stolen something precious to you. but mind you, you are the one causing everyone unhappiness. I do not know what you are up to, maybe trying to show off in front of them, one or two person in particular. & what's with the mood swings? i am actually speechless when it comes to you.

then there's character B who is a boy. you make everything sound as if it's such a big deal, even if you aren't involve in it. and many have said that when you're feeling down, you feel like the forces of the world are against you.hence, also wanting everyone to feel down,together with you. but i say, you often jump to conclusion before determining your hypothesis.

seriously, i don't know why i put such load onto my shoulders when i could just leave the drama team and as said in my previous post, leave the village & allow myself to drown in floods of happiness and love. while the rest of the drama team stay back and continue on with their drama, adding more masks to their wide collection. but i guess, it's because of another few that is also part of the team, who are innocent and i care for.

but all these, would be a bitter memory.


I'm sorry for all the theatrical terms. I just like using them.
truth be told, all that has happened and is about to happen is a drama.

those waves.

today :|
i wrote this down. it's just the post at the bottom of this, feel free to scroll down.

today, my dear friend kok khong asked me about the little whale. i refused to tell. I'm sorry.
today, ju and i went to the hall for the raptai practice & he told me something odd which he realized during one of the performances.and he stayed along until after i was done. (:
today, both the one next to me & i were busy talking during history period.
today, the four of us talked about future plans.
today, he said something which made me happy.but i don't think he knows.
today, i found out he memorized the eight lines of words. ;)
today, sherina told me she and that secret code guy has something in common. xD
today, i found one of my cactus dead. but,i still watered it.
today, moral teacher asked us to look at the tree just right outside our class.then i realized that since 5J & 5M were the only two classes on the lower ground floor and since there were only 2 trees at the little garden outside, it was like each of our class has our own tree. okay, never mind.but,it's really nice.
today, ashman told me he has all the videos, so does kevin. =)
today, i like the way you walk next to me all the way.
today, is day sixty-nine.

yesterday, i talked to someone who is like a big brother as well as a small brother to me.
yesterday, i talked to someone about stuff & I'm pretty sure about something. I can't run away from the truth,right? (:
yesterday, faiz and prem went off to be mc's of some sort of competition and i missed the chance of seeing prem in a dress. prem,we so need another next time. :]
yesterday, was nemalan's birthday.
yesterday, we learned chemistry through the disc. but,it was so slow yet understandable.
yesterday, i felt closed and secure.
yesterday, when someone jokingly said i was taken, i was asked whether i was taken by some friend of mine. and if you're wondering, I'm not!
yesterday, i was under the rain with friends. (:
yesterday, was day sixty-eight.

tomorrow, I'll be doing the bio experiment which involves drinking water & urinating. xD
tomorrow, the best friend will be doing *ahem* for cell group. can't wait! I know you'll be reading this. hehe =)
tomorrow, will be unexpected.
tomorrow, more stuff to share with the kawan baiks.
tomorrow, I'm going to tell you everything, so are you.
tomorrow, I can't wait.
tomorrow, will be day seventy.

now, my legs numb.
now, I'm missing some people.
now, I'm actually feeling all mixed up.
now, I like the way you do those little little stuff to me.
now, I'm sure day seven thousand will be part of the history. ;)
now, I'm wondering why I've so much to say today.

so tear me down.

and I'll tell you the truth.

the truth is, at this moment in time,
i don't feel like talking to anyone except for you.

because even thinking back about what just happened, i feel like screaming out loud. and i needed to make myself a cup of tea, just to cool down while my head replays all that has been recorded not too long ago. it is amazing how we tend to remember certain unhappy things and partially forget the happiness that we once had. in my case, the happiness is always there to erase the unhappiness. (: & I thank God for that.

still,what happened or better said what i heard today was very heart-breaking and it made me feel stupid. to those of you who knows what I'm referring to, you know how i felt. for the first time ever since July 30th 2007, i felt like a little kid who was easily tricked by pretty colorful candies. but the truth is, i know i knew that something was up and i played on, maybe hopefully making your little dramas into the big screens one day. and little did i know, everyone else thought i played on because i love your story line. in case you didn't know, I'm not that stupid. fine,maybe what the other characters involved in your little drama told me was a whole different story. but no matter what i hear or see, I'm not going to be influenced by you or the privileges you give me. then again, i shouldn't have played on because i didn't know your group of crew members thought of me differently when they were just maybe like you, pretending to be nice but hidden deep inside their hearts are ulterior motives and evil schemes.
I sure hope that after playing my role in your dramas, maybe you and your crew members would change for the better after also being warned, scolded and advised by both co-producers. and now,it has come to my realization that not only the whole drama team has been turning behind each other's backs, but also turning your oh-so-sweet-romantic-loving-friendship based drama that was about to hit the big screens into a not-so-sweet-i-don't-know-what-you-are-up-to-kind of drama that is bound to be rejected by the producers. and allow me to rephrase my sentence, not the whole drama team, but just the few main characters. then again, your drama has way too many main characters. I'm sorry, I'm confused as well.
maybe my perceptions were wrong about certain people. but you know what? i bet it's pretty tiring to change the masks that certain of you put on everyday to suite the different characters that you guys have to portray in the drama. so,why not remove the masks, get rid of them or just leave them backstage, so that we can all get a clear understanding of your storyline and most importantly, your true self. because at this moment in time, we need to know the real you behind that masks you have on everyday. I'm just curious, don't the few of you have lots of masks to keep? it must be troublesome.
I'm sorry if i sound sarcastic or if you think I'm about to burst a vein because I'm not. I'm as calm as i can possibly be and I'm even trying to make this interesting because well,you are also making everything as interesting, as pretty, as colorful, as attractive and as deceiving as you can so that we would all fall for it,and that your dramas would be the next hot topic in town, aren't you? Don't worry, because your dramas have already been the latest hottest most interesting issue that all the residence of our little village are talking about. so, you have your fame.and soon, you can run the town with your dramas & storyline being said and memorized by every living organism on earth and maybe even by the non-living organisms in Pluto.
to that particular few characters, all i hope for is just a sincere friendship from you. but if your motives are to replace me in the character I'm playing as, go ahead because i would gladly allow you to. and also because i don't mind stepping out of this place, allowing myself to explore the world with the one i love, drowning myself in floods of love and happy things. i might come by the old theater and visit the whole drama team anytime soon. but be ready, because i might just pay a visit anytime and i very much hope that your drama would make it into the entertainment world out there, not just our old-used-to-be-happy-and-loving-carefree village. this is also because I'm not very sure if our villagers are keen in the dramas that you have been paying so much attention to. sure,the shooting,the storyline and the process of our drama turn movie would be a first time experience to them, but they are just simple people who lives life with happiness and each other. they don't need your dramas to keep them company, all they need is each other, just as it should be.

so, before i take myself and my family to the outside world, would you please truthfully live your lives sincerely with happiness coming from little little pleasant things, and not allowing your lives being lived based on a drama? because a drama isn't real, it's just a play people put on to entertain and keep the other's company. but you and your team doesn't need to, because just as my family has and just as we hope for, your crew has each other to be each other's company, each other's friend, each other's shelter and each other's world. all you need is each other.

by the hammocks;

ee elle aye hedge doubleyou. dee ee dee elle oh eff. ee you elle bee.

ee elle tee tee eye elle. ee hedge tee. and eye.
am ee oh pea. ee hedge tee.

if you can figure out my little secret there.(:

day sixty-seven.