To get this perfectly cut out and crystal clear to me, me, me, you, me and myself;
I gave up on whatever hope I had.
I thought about it and I just feel like clearing up the mess, get through the haze, wake up from the daze. Then pick up the remaining pieces and fragments, piece it back together and accept whatever that comes and whatever that needs to leave.
Yes, I did.
Unbelievable and Unexpected.
But I'll still keep everything that I have had over the past two years.
I remember.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
and how do I say I miss you?
That smile, last night.
It made everything feel right.
Always so sincere,
ever so sweet.
Along with it was a wave goodbye,
and a wish goodnight.
It made everything feel right.
Always so sincere,
ever so sweet.
Along with it was a wave goodbye,
and a wish goodnight.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
wait till tomorrow.
Two less lonely people in the world
And it's gonna be fine
Out of all the people in the world
I just can't believe you're mine
In my life where everything was wrong
Something finally went right
Now there's two less lonely people
In the world tonight
And it's gonna be fine
Out of all the people in the world
I just can't believe you're mine
In my life where everything was wrong
Something finally went right
Now there's two less lonely people
In the world tonight
And the opposite of less is more.
it usually ends with goodnight.
And I thought you changed.
I was so sure you did.
Perhaps you did, but you changed back to the old you again.
But -
why do you have to look so much like him?
I was so sure you did.
Perhaps you did, but you changed back to the old you again.
But -
why do you have to look so much like him?
Monday, January 26, 2009
your secret password.
I accidentally stumbled upon a picture.
A picture that could have brought much more feelings and emotions than what I am feeling now.
If only -
I don't know why it hit me bad although knowing that I have that picture stored in my phone.
A picture that could have brought much more feelings and emotions than what I am feeling now.
If only -
I don't know why it hit me bad although knowing that I have that picture stored in my phone.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
of colours so attractive.
I was so curious that I would do anything I can to know about it.
And thank you to that someone for putting an end to the curiosity that you left me with.
It's just so out of the ordinary, isn't it? But I'm glad you chose to share.
p.s. # 1 YOU ARE NOT SHALLOW !
p.s. # 2 YOU ARE NOT STUPID !
p.s. # 3 YOU ARE NOT IMMATURE !
p.s. # 4 YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE !
p.s # 5 YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE !
you are just going to be you. And I'm going to sit here and listen to every word you utter & share with you too.
hugs. (:
And thank you to that someone for putting an end to the curiosity that you left me with.
It's just so out of the ordinary, isn't it? But I'm glad you chose to share.
p.s. # 1 YOU ARE NOT SHALLOW !
p.s. # 2 YOU ARE NOT STUPID !
p.s. # 3 YOU ARE NOT IMMATURE !
p.s. # 4 YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE !
p.s # 5 YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE !
you are just going to be you. And I'm going to sit here and listen to every word you utter & share with you too.
hugs. (:
my guardian angel.
I told my best friend, I'm happy.
And this is for you.
And this is for you.
lying on meadows,
chasing the shadows.
thinking of you,
you look so good in blue. (:
chasing the shadows.
thinking of you,
you look so good in blue. (:
Thursday, January 22, 2009
in pajamas.
To xxx,
I printed out the picture already. It's really nice. Thank you for giving it to me. (:
And because my printer has some sort of a little problem, the colour was a little different than it was supposed to be but I really like the present colour. Thank you.
One more day to a holiday break. The excitement! I can't wait. There's just a few things yet to be done.
Write again tomorrow. see you. ;)
p.s. Last night's conversation was a very good one. I really needed it. Thanks.
I printed out the picture already. It's really nice. Thank you for giving it to me. (:
And because my printer has some sort of a little problem, the colour was a little different than it was supposed to be but I really like the present colour. Thank you.
One more day to a holiday break. The excitement! I can't wait. There's just a few things yet to be done.
Write again tomorrow. see you. ;)
p.s. Last night's conversation was a very good one. I really needed it. Thanks.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
sailing against the wind.
Yet again, things happened.
This time, I can't assure myself that it happened for a reason.
I don't know how they happen, but they happened. And though it has occurred again and again, for many times, like a chain of amino acids forming a polypeptide chain in the ribosomes, this is where the phrase 'the last straw that broke the camel's back' comes in handy. But, I don't exactly feel the slightest bit of hurt. Maybe it's because the wound is too deep and there's just too many wounds there that I just don't feel it anymore. Or maybe I choose to be ignorant. I prefer the latter.
Just something to a friend,
We don't have to be sad, depressed, down or even feel affected by it. I admit, laughing it off is what I did because what more can I do? I'm not going to dwell on whatever they did or did not do to us, I'm not going to cry over it despite the occasional tears that come rolling down by itself, I'm not going to blame whoever or whatever. I just know, a promise is a promise. They have broken theirs and threw it away, and that isn't very nice. That's why I just thought about it, ponder on what happened and laughed it off. Really, I'm not trying to run away from the truth, but it's really not worth it. I don't want to waste my energy or brain cells thinking about it either.
Sail against the wind. What that has been thrown to us and came slamming right into our faces is of course in very simple terms, hurtful. But we shouldn't just go with the flow, follow the wind and cry over spill milk. We shall come out of the box, and just be happy with the rest of the things we have in life. And not forgetting, them. They are still very beloved to us, right? (:
For the bible says,
And you must love your neighbor just as much as you love yourself.
Let's just say, all these problems, all these occurrence and hurt is like the rain. It rains almost everyday and so does all these occurrence, they happened everyday. Although what happened and what we felt is of accumulation from some time back, let's just imagine it as a very heavy rain and a storm. So, just let the rain fall down and let the storm come. Because, when it rains, we get wet, we feel it. After the rain has stopped, the rain water goes away; and we are left dry. Otherwise, it evaporates back into the sky. And that is how I'm learning to deal with it, problems and the likes come to us, filling us until our heads. After a while, we won't see it, it evaporates itself and disappears into thin air although we will still feel an occasional pain or sting. But, hold back on the tears and let's just stop thinking about it okay?
It hurts, I know.
This time, I can't assure myself that it happened for a reason.
I don't know how they happen, but they happened. And though it has occurred again and again, for many times, like a chain of amino acids forming a polypeptide chain in the ribosomes, this is where the phrase 'the last straw that broke the camel's back' comes in handy. But, I don't exactly feel the slightest bit of hurt. Maybe it's because the wound is too deep and there's just too many wounds there that I just don't feel it anymore. Or maybe I choose to be ignorant. I prefer the latter.
Just something to a friend,
We don't have to be sad, depressed, down or even feel affected by it. I admit, laughing it off is what I did because what more can I do? I'm not going to dwell on whatever they did or did not do to us, I'm not going to cry over it despite the occasional tears that come rolling down by itself, I'm not going to blame whoever or whatever. I just know, a promise is a promise. They have broken theirs and threw it away, and that isn't very nice. That's why I just thought about it, ponder on what happened and laughed it off. Really, I'm not trying to run away from the truth, but it's really not worth it. I don't want to waste my energy or brain cells thinking about it either.
Sail against the wind. What that has been thrown to us and came slamming right into our faces is of course in very simple terms, hurtful. But we shouldn't just go with the flow, follow the wind and cry over spill milk. We shall come out of the box, and just be happy with the rest of the things we have in life. And not forgetting, them. They are still very beloved to us, right? (:
For the bible says,
And you must love your neighbor just as much as you love yourself.
Let's just say, all these problems, all these occurrence and hurt is like the rain. It rains almost everyday and so does all these occurrence, they happened everyday. Although what happened and what we felt is of accumulation from some time back, let's just imagine it as a very heavy rain and a storm. So, just let the rain fall down and let the storm come. Because, when it rains, we get wet, we feel it. After the rain has stopped, the rain water goes away; and we are left dry. Otherwise, it evaporates back into the sky. And that is how I'm learning to deal with it, problems and the likes come to us, filling us until our heads. After a while, we won't see it, it evaporates itself and disappears into thin air although we will still feel an occasional pain or sting. But, hold back on the tears and let's just stop thinking about it okay?
It hurts, I know.
you just didn't know.
The 18th just went by like that, it could have gone by in a better way.
I just wished it went by the way it supposed to be.
It should have-
It could have-
It might have-
Why didn't it?
Why did it happen?
Too many unanswered questions, too many hanging sentences, too many if's.
I just wished it went by the way it supposed to be.
It should have-
It could have-
It might have-
Why didn't it?
Why did it happen?
Too many unanswered questions, too many hanging sentences, too many if's.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
when you say nothing at all.
That smile is ever so familiar,
that smile, never fails to cheer me up;
that smile, always comforts me;
that smile, can take away my tears;
that smile, there's just something magical about it.
That smile makes me happy.
And nobody knows which smile it is.
that smile, never fails to cheer me up;
that smile, always comforts me;
that smile, can take away my tears;
that smile, there's just something magical about it.
That smile makes me happy.
And nobody knows which smile it is.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
when they spoke.
We don't expect again because of the hurt that we've had,
because of the pain that we've endured
& because of the tears that we've shed.
Cancel the we and replace it with I.
because of the pain that we've endured
& because of the tears that we've shed.
Cancel the we and replace it with I.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
behind every illusion.
You know that feeling of being neither here nor there, doing this nor that; just lying down being idle?
After classes today, I went to meet up with my twin & part of our very big, extended family for lunch. Of course, lunch was enjoyed. With good company, a cosy atmosphere, close-to-heart people and endless conversation topics, how not to enjoy a pleasant afternoon like this? Despite the weather.
In no words or diction can I explain and or elaborate the similarities we both share. Even the things that we think of, the feelings that we go through, the thoughts of certain issues & the uncomfort of certain things that we both agree on.
And so we came up with a theory out of no where while waiting for her brother,
If there are a parade full of people who said that she looks like her brother and then there are a stadium full of people who said that we both look extremely alike and then there are a school full of people who said that my sister look like me; which in reality, actually did happen. Then, don't the four of us look extremely, acutely, excessively, exceedingly, exceptionally, extraordinary, notably, to nothing degree alike ? Seriously, my mind boggled at all the words that flashed before me before even typing it out.
We were talking about college and classes, comparing this and that, sharing this and that and then laughing about this and that. I think the waiters at the cafe was probably curious to why we laughed and joked so much. On the way back, we both unexpectedly revealed something that the both of us are experiencing it now. It's that feeling of neither here nor there. You know, I'm amazed at how things work on earth between humans.
It's like we are all filled to our heads when it comes to assignments, work, issues and normal teenager dilemma. And then there is the sleep deprived moments. Then when we actually have the time to take a rest or a good night's sleep and we actually want to really sleep well and make the best out of that short period of time, our mind starts to wander of to the issues and work we have. Being worried about not doing some things right or just worried about tomorrow or the day after and then not being able to fall asleep or feeling very reluctant to wake up, get out of that ever-tempting bed and get about with certain things which in turns results in being neither here nor there- just laying down there, still, calm, silence and idle.
But, don't worry be happy, right?
Now, take a deep breathe and think happy thoughts.
After classes today, I went to meet up with my twin & part of our very big, extended family for lunch. Of course, lunch was enjoyed. With good company, a cosy atmosphere, close-to-heart people and endless conversation topics, how not to enjoy a pleasant afternoon like this? Despite the weather.
In no words or diction can I explain and or elaborate the similarities we both share. Even the things that we think of, the feelings that we go through, the thoughts of certain issues & the uncomfort of certain things that we both agree on.
And so we came up with a theory out of no where while waiting for her brother,
If there are a parade full of people who said that she looks like her brother and then there are a stadium full of people who said that we both look extremely alike and then there are a school full of people who said that my sister look like me; which in reality, actually did happen. Then, don't the four of us look extremely, acutely, excessively, exceedingly, exceptionally, extraordinary, notably, to nothing degree alike ? Seriously, my mind boggled at all the words that flashed before me before even typing it out.
We were talking about college and classes, comparing this and that, sharing this and that and then laughing about this and that. I think the waiters at the cafe was probably curious to why we laughed and joked so much. On the way back, we both unexpectedly revealed something that the both of us are experiencing it now. It's that feeling of neither here nor there. You know, I'm amazed at how things work on earth between humans.
It's like we are all filled to our heads when it comes to assignments, work, issues and normal teenager dilemma. And then there is the sleep deprived moments. Then when we actually have the time to take a rest or a good night's sleep and we actually want to really sleep well and make the best out of that short period of time, our mind starts to wander of to the issues and work we have. Being worried about not doing some things right or just worried about tomorrow or the day after and then not being able to fall asleep or feeling very reluctant to wake up, get out of that ever-tempting bed and get about with certain things which in turns results in being neither here nor there- just laying down there, still, calm, silence and idle.
But, don't worry be happy, right?
Now, take a deep breathe and think happy thoughts.
it might snow tonight.
It might snow tonight, remember to tug in tight.
But if you don't feel right, I'll still stay up with you,
with all my might; till the light breaks in.
It's been two weeks & a day.
But if you don't feel right, I'll still stay up with you,
with all my might; till the light breaks in.
It's been two weeks & a day.
Monday, January 12, 2009
take me home.
I just want to stay home.
Right here, where I can hide under the sheets.
With the sense of belonging, the warmth, the sense of being secured, the feeling of familiarity with everything ...
and just so much more.
I am tired as well.
Right here, where I can hide under the sheets.
With the sense of belonging, the warmth, the sense of being secured, the feeling of familiarity with everything ...
and just so much more.
I am tired as well.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
teddy's fairytale.
I don't know how to write you a birthday card, I can't seem to find the right words;
I can't draw you a picture, because a picture supposed to be able to say a thousand words but mine won't be able to do so;
I can't write you a song, I don't know whether it should be a happy or a thankful,sentimental song;
I can't play you a song, you play songs more beautifully than I do.
When it comes to describing you..
Words seem to slip through me.
All I know is, I have an amazing little brother. :)
I can't draw you a picture, because a picture supposed to be able to say a thousand words but mine won't be able to do so;
I can't write you a song, I don't know whether it should be a happy or a thankful,sentimental song;
I can't play you a song, you play songs more beautifully than I do.
When it comes to describing you..
Words seem to slip through me.
All I know is, I have an amazing little brother. :)
somersault at night.
a change for the better requires a fair amount of courage,effort and perseverance.
a change for the worst, however, requires nothing much.
you did your somersault,
you turned yourself over,
seeing the world upside down,
and then you came back; upright,
but did you change?
then again,
it all happened at night,
in the darkness,
when I couldn't see you.
I doubt you changed.
a change for the worst, however, requires nothing much.
you did your somersault,
you turned yourself over,
seeing the world upside down,
and then you came back; upright,
but did you change?
then again,
it all happened at night,
in the darkness,
when I couldn't see you.
I doubt you changed.
tears from last night.
It's 12.23 am. I should be sleeping by now after a long, stretchy day. But I can't. Thanks to some tiny, insignificant, yet powerful micro bacteria that decided to hang on to me. I don't like catching flu's.
It's the 11th of January already.
Happy Birthday to this very cute little brother! :)
May you have a good night's rest and dreams full of teddy bears!
See you tomorrow morning, I mean, see you later.
I wish, for dreams full of happiness.
The flu is getting worst & I can't sleep!!
Wish you were here.
Good night.
It's the 11th of January already.
Happy Birthday to this very cute little brother! :)
May you have a good night's rest and dreams full of teddy bears!
See you tomorrow morning, I mean, see you later.
I wish, for dreams full of happiness.
The flu is getting worst & I can't sleep!!
Wish you were here.
Good night.
Friday, January 9, 2009
of different wavelenghts.
I've been thinking a lot lately, especially ever since I came back from the land down under. As a matter of fact, I really miss that place despite the three-home-sick-missing-some-people-week stay there. But because I get to wake up to a nice, breath-taking scene; I get to walk out to somewhere nearby anytime of the day as I wish; I get to just run down to the beach for a walk; I can just walk across for a cone of tasty ice-cream; I get to just catch a bus and head out somewhere by myself without the feeling of insecurities; I get to take in fresh, cooling air every now and then; I get to walk over to the dock and grab a shady spot to read my book, but there's still a certain part of me that feels incomplete. Which I guess, that's why I'm staying here. Truth be told, I came back with a heart full of anticipation, excitement and happiness. But, what has happened, has already happened. And I'm trying to cope with it.
It's been exactly a week since I started tertiary studies. Needless to say, I miss school and the people and my friends and the lessons and the teachers and the prefects and the after school times that we've always had so much fun with. Now, it's different. I wake up every morning with the knowledge that I won't be seeing my best friends in class, I won't be putting on that blue and white uniform everyday, I won't be seeing you, I won't this and I won't that. But, everyone has to grow up, right?
And the youth, I'm just glad it all happened. Whether is it a lesson for us to learn from our past mistakes, or it was just plain co-incidents, it doesn't matter much. What we have now, is way beyond what we used to have. And I have to thank God for all the times we had, whether is it good or bad; for all the laughter and tears; for all the prayers; for all the mended bonds and for everything else that we have.
Last night, when the family was talking, something got me thinking. If young people at my age can overcome broken bonds and settle every problem there is, why can't the adults achieve such a state of peace as well? It is very apparent that they are much more experienced, but I won't say matured, they have gone through the mill compared to us, they have also gone through the phase that we are going through now. But can't they behave more like an adult and settle everything once and for all? No need for the 'I don't friend you' moments and 'I don't like you because you talk bad about me' times where it just makes things worst. I'm not pin-pointing anyone in particular, but to me, it is what is happening now.
It's the 9th of January today, nine days since another year happened. I'm not one who makes new year resolutions every year, but this year, I think I just might have one. One that might remain for the next five years.
On a completely outdated note,
I sort of had the chance to accomplish half a long planned task with my cousin sister last Sunday. Sad to say, although we had the chance, the venue was just not quite right. Maybe this weekend, or maybe next, just as long as we get to it.
It's been exactly a week since I started tertiary studies. Needless to say, I miss school and the people and my friends and the lessons and the teachers and the prefects and the after school times that we've always had so much fun with. Now, it's different. I wake up every morning with the knowledge that I won't be seeing my best friends in class, I won't be putting on that blue and white uniform everyday, I won't be seeing you, I won't this and I won't that. But, everyone has to grow up, right?
And the youth, I'm just glad it all happened. Whether is it a lesson for us to learn from our past mistakes, or it was just plain co-incidents, it doesn't matter much. What we have now, is way beyond what we used to have. And I have to thank God for all the times we had, whether is it good or bad; for all the laughter and tears; for all the prayers; for all the mended bonds and for everything else that we have.
Last night, when the family was talking, something got me thinking. If young people at my age can overcome broken bonds and settle every problem there is, why can't the adults achieve such a state of peace as well? It is very apparent that they are much more experienced, but I won't say matured, they have gone through the mill compared to us, they have also gone through the phase that we are going through now. But can't they behave more like an adult and settle everything once and for all? No need for the 'I don't friend you' moments and 'I don't like you because you talk bad about me' times where it just makes things worst. I'm not pin-pointing anyone in particular, but to me, it is what is happening now.
It's the 9th of January today, nine days since another year happened. I'm not one who makes new year resolutions every year, but this year, I think I just might have one. One that might remain for the next five years.
On a completely outdated note,
I sort of had the chance to accomplish half a long planned task with my cousin sister last Sunday. Sad to say, although we had the chance, the venue was just not quite right. Maybe this weekend, or maybe next, just as long as we get to it.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
it hit me hard.
why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why whyw whyw yw why why why whyw wh yw why wh y wyhy whyw hwy why whyw hywh wh y why why why why why whyw why why why why why why why why why why wh y why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why whyw h yhwy why why whyw why why whyw h y why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why w hy why why why why why why why why why why why why why whyw h why why why why why why wh why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why w hywhy why whyw hyw why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why whywh why why
it's just that bad.
it's just that bad.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
written by,yours truly.
Dearest secret pal,
I'm sorry you only received one letter from me. But I know that you know that I'll know that you'll know that you are my secret pal from the way the sentences were stringed, my hand writing and how you received the letter, right? You are not only a secret pal, but also an exposed pal. Only if there is such a phrase. You are not only an exposed pal, but a good friend and an extraordinary brother. But that doesn't mean you're not evil. Yes,very very evil with the ways you want to use to trick me and recruit me into your kingdom, as your people. And no, I'm sorry to say that you can't monkey-fy me. Because two plates won't work, neither would a string work. (: Let's see if I can dolphin-ise you.
We all know that you have been waiting for that present you were supposed to receive from someone anonymous. And I'm glad you like what I gave you just as I like what mine gave me.
You're definitely different tonight. More words, more nonsense and more laughter. Thank you for making my night!
from dolphin girl to monkey boy.
Good night!
I'm sorry you only received one letter from me. But I know that you know that I'll know that you'll know that you are my secret pal from the way the sentences were stringed, my hand writing and how you received the letter, right? You are not only a secret pal, but also an exposed pal. Only if there is such a phrase. You are not only an exposed pal, but a good friend and an extraordinary brother. But that doesn't mean you're not evil. Yes,very very evil with the ways you want to use to trick me and recruit me into your kingdom, as your people. And no, I'm sorry to say that you can't monkey-fy me. Because two plates won't work, neither would a string work. (: Let's see if I can dolphin-ise you.
We all know that you have been waiting for that present you were supposed to receive from someone anonymous. And I'm glad you like what I gave you just as I like what mine gave me.
You're definitely different tonight. More words, more nonsense and more laughter. Thank you for making my night!
from dolphin girl to monkey boy.
Good night!
the first drop of dew in the morning.
I'll try to keep my mind busy,
I'll try not to dwell on it,
I'll try to be happy,
I'll try to stay cheerful at all times,
I'll try not to make it harder for you,
and I'll try to take good care of myself,
just as you asked me to.
But please remember, I'll just try.
I'll try not to dwell on it,
I'll try to be happy,
I'll try to stay cheerful at all times,
I'll try not to make it harder for you,
and I'll try to take good care of myself,
just as you asked me to.
But please remember, I'll just try.
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