nothing escapes.

they made me cry.
then, they made me laugh.

the photos, I mean.

safe flight back.

because super elephant misses mighty elephant.

to relish the moments.

It's always nice to be in their company. (:

Christmas night was indeed an unforgettable one spent at Josh & Joel's home. With lots of laughing, teasing, fun and poking conversations with my GOOD FRIEND. XD I don't know whether my GOOD FRIEND will be reading this but just for the record. And not forgetting our constant 'oohs' and 'aahs' as the nine of us sat at the round dining table till almost midnight listening to first hand stories that took place on that amazing night. ;) Plus, little little conversations that resulted in us bursting out laughing.

Also, who can forget the games that earned many chortles before it was actually being played? The tasty & delicious food brought together for the special night from many different homes? The on-the-floor dinner? The giggles and snickers in between carols? The simply comfortable atmosphere? It was definitely a night not to forget.

But for me, besides all that have been mentioned, what made the night a more memorable one is my very very good friend who according to him, transformed into an archer as he shot cupid arrows. You're confused huh? It's okay. :D

No words can describe how much I enjoyed that night and I definitely hope that nights like this will be a more often occurence. Went home happily and couldn't sleep till 2 plus in the morning due to a few messages, all being very thoughtful, sweet and funny in their own way.
& although we didn't take any photos that night, it's definitely alright because I'm pretty sure that the photos are not that important for the night itself was too good to be missed by being busy with the camera. (: (:

p.s I'm glad that the GOOD friend and the brother likes their present.

Thank God for a wonderful company on such a special night! xx

on the twenty fourth;

have a happier christmas eve this year! :)

revisited.

Today I finally made myself sit down and read through the messages. I read, I felt a tiny spark of discomfort and I deleted them. But not all. Though one day I will need to remove them all. (Fortunately, I'm not like my sister who has 1329 messages in her sent folder; thankfully, she deleted them all today as well.) I think we're both on a "deleting rush".

I like deleting items nowadays. Weird. Haha. ;D

I wanna go to Hong Kong too! & Madeline Island.

in need of a change.

I seriously need to change the colour of this blog. It's too dull, gloomy and certainly not a happy colour. This the season to be jolly, no? :D
Come to think of it, a lot of things need to be cleared up, thrown out and simply change. I can't even imagine myself going through the mess and deciding on which to throw out first. Oh well, I'll just have to do it anyway, one day, but not today. :P

Speaking of change;

If change is the only constant
and you are my constant,
does that mean you are my only change?

I'll leave it to you to figure it out. XD

Till then. xx

december ♥.

Life at this moment is amazingly awesome!
& sweet.

'Cause I'm loving every part of it, also because you and you and you are a part of it. (:

I will hold on.

December 7th, the first day to the second week of December.
Hence, marks the start of most possibly, the most tiring yet worth remembering last week of college for the year. This is going to be one load of an unending roller coaster ride.

It's going to be fun! (:
And I will survive till Sunday.

it's never ending.

It has been a loooong, tiring and exhausting day today. However, today simply marks the start of my "2 exciting, challenging and mind boggling weeks". Sadly, today hasn't been one of the best days to start off with, with the exception of Bio paper 3. I think that was the only highlight of the day besides the fact that I can sleep peacefully tonight as I am free from mocks for tomorrow. Just tomorrow; because there's still Bio paper 4 and Chem paper 2 on Wednesday. Oh boy, can you feel my joy? =/

Today isn't a very good day but I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. Really. Hopefully. (:

I've had an excessive output of energy for the day. Plus, I have sore hands which I am a little afraid to find out the cause of this soreness. I should call it a day and retire to bed soon.

Night world! xx

last year, today.

today will be one year.

supposed to be.

colourful strips.

When you are too concentrated in doing craft, you don't realise the cuts that you have. Paper cuts, cuts from using the blade, cuts from using the scissors or any other form of cuts. You don't realise them until you take a break. And when you do, the pain comes rushing towards you.

That happened last night.
Or maybe it only happens to me. (:

empty spaces.

hang in there, you'll be fine.

two to twelve.

Two minutes to twelve. I doubt all of us lit students are going to get any good sleep tonight. But I guess for certain things, there is a price you have to pay, a sacrifice you have to make.

current word count: 2012.

Isn't it a nice number? 'Cause it marks the end of literature coursework. (:

I can't exactly remember the last time I stayed up just to finish my homework/assignments on the computer. But I clearly remember the times I had to stay up and do miscellaneous stuff & I had a companion then.

But at least, tonight, I got to talk to a few people online, best friend included. It's been ages since I logged into msn. ;) Better get going now, have to wake up early and finish up on my essays again. Sigh. And by the way ..

My awesome cousin- thank you so much for every little help! Couldn't have done it any better without you! :D
Rach C- Make sure you don't dream of *ehemyour-charming-boyehem* tonight!
Ikhsan- I was not kidding about the marshmallows. ;P

oops, now is nine minutes to one.
Night everyone! xx

Captured.

A lot of things have happened.
A lot is going to happen.
A lot will happen.

December 14 is just too far away. I remember the last time I broke down, just as I did today; and I also remember that the last time, a familiar figure managed to console and make me think that things will be alright.

"Hey, you made a joke! At least I know that you're smiling now. (: "

17 minutes; remembered.

One.

HEADACHE!

Move.

I need to recover quick and fast. If not, my to-do list will keep on growing without a single thing being canceled out. My homework and research can't be waiting for me. Come on, you mini bugs, leave me alone already!

I need to focus, focus, focus. Think, think, THINK.
Elisa, you need to focus and think well. You know you want your grades. :D

Hopes.

did you know I dreamt of you?
I think you can sense it.
(;

-

"You take care too."
you too.

Fall.

I seem to be lacking in paying attention these days, specifically during certain hours of my classes.
I listen, I understand yet I do not understand sometimes.

SIGH.
Almost every time, I find it hard to breathe when I'm in there.
Why Am I There Again? Why Am I Going Through This?
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhh!!!!

This is no emo-emo post kay, my fellow mates in abstinence. (: This is simply a post for me to vent my frustrations and discomfort. I will survive this 2 weeks of abstaining from typing sad sad stuff, as a certain few people have requested for me to do so. XD
Now, where's my diary?

Give.

Thank you for coming.
That certainly made my day.
(:

Wait.

I.. I.. I just can't move along. Sometimes, I wish I could be like you. But then again, I have no idea of what you have gone through in these three hundred over days. As for me, I have moved and stopped, moved and stopped.

Somehow, deep inside, there's still that tiny spark, that little desire. To see that welcoming figure, that familiar smile, that undoubted laughter, that warm and fuzzy feeling.

If only today is the seven hundred and twenty ninth day. If only.

To let go of the stars and lie in greenery? or the other way round?

Remember.

" When you are young, everything feels like the end of the world. "

True.
But the question is, when are you considered old?
--
Stop pretending like you care,
stop pretending that all the forces of the world are against you,
stop pretending to be someone that you are not,
stop pretending to --
Just, stop pretending.

All these mess and remainders. Sigh.

Move.

Played for way too long, on the same game.
It's time to move and get to work! ;P
Plus, I feel like I'm in a daze. haha. Stared at the screen for way too long. :D
But I had fun beating other people's high scores.

The weekend's will be here soon. Can't wait for it!
See you around. xx

Listen.

My heart skipped.

And it's still skipping.

Say.

I need something to do. I feel like typing a lengthy entry, but I'll save that for later. I also feel like completing my Stats homework, but maybe later as well. So, what should I do? I'm not signed into messenger because I don't feel like it. I'm logged into Facebook, but there's nothing much there at the moment. I cleared all my emails, I'm done watching the TV programme that I have been waiting for and I think I should go do my homework. I think.
Or maybe, I should go play a game.
It's been ages since I played an online game.

Little shop of treasures, anyone? :D
I learned a lot from it though.

Blink.

The most memorable thing I did during Bio lab lesson yesterday was stare at the boiling tube for 20 minutes, with a stopwatch in hand. There it was, the 10cm long plant stuffed into the boiling tube of chlorinated water and a pinch of hydrogen carbonate powder, with direct heat shining upon it while I watch it release bubbles.
The plant must have treasured that 20 minutes since so much attention was devoted to it.
Plus, the bubbles were released rapidly that I needed to keep count while straining my eyes.
See, Mr.10 cm long plant, how much sacrifice I have done for you?

But above all, I think that the plants were trying to tell me something.
Like, say, it was too hot? or it wanted to get out from the boiling tube?

This is what I get when I haven't been sleeping well. :D

Palette.

I was just thinking about what you told me on Sunday night.
It was simply innocent.

And then I realise that you are my source of positive radiance when I run out of optimism. (:

Sketches.

I like the way my muffins are being eaten.

A little too random, but it suits my latest self. Haha. I make no sense sometimes.
--
College has been interesting with a new discovery, a new joke, a new 'observation' and a new plan everyday. Also, I have mastered the art of sleeping with my eyes open and living in my very own bubble when I don't get certain things sometimes; whether it's in long, boring classes or when my friends are talking in alien language. Kidding.

I've also come to enjoy Mondays and Fridays. And have always liked Saturdays and Sundays. (:

A certain few people have also been really nice and sweet in making my days, one way or another. Just that they might not know it, and I like it that way because then, it means a lot more. :D

Essence.

special. ;D

Smile!

and we smile.
♥

our last photo taken in uniform together.

Beginning.

'Have a break, have a Kit Kat.'

I need to find a Kit Kat now.

Gone.

Please, speak for yourself.
How would you feel if you found out that someone you trust has been hiding the truth from you?
MAYBE you would be fine with it.

But, I, find it difficult to stay.

p.s. I'm not as shallow as you think I am.

Waste.

I have found pleasure in deleting old stuff; just in the mean time.
But I haven't got to deleting old messages. (:

Heroes.

To the both of you in Boys Brigade uniform,
the noise makers in our group,
the beloved brothers in our sibling hood,
the little heroes in our midst ;) ...

Tomorrow, go in there, give your best and glorify our God! May you both be filled with the wisdom of the Lord, the peace of the heart and mind and an active and fast thinking capacity throughout your battle starting from tomorrow till the end of the examinations. :D

You both have worked hard, leave the rest to the Lord okay? :)
Will keep you both in prayer.
And know that we'll always, ALWAYS support the both of you.

" Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said,
streams of living water will flow within him."
- John 7:38.

♥

Blue.

Finally a night where I can spend it all on myself, without rushing on homework and assignments or studying for a test.

I have a feeling that a good day is coming up very soon, but I just don't know when. Maybe when I decide to knock on the doors of my good ol' friends and go on a group date with them! (: I will, when I've dished out certain things on my plate.

Please wait for me.

laughter.

Today, as I was planning a little 'surprise' with my sister studying in the room together, I heard my dad laugh. It was a pleasant laughter as he was laughing at the people in the show aired on tv.
I then laughed at my dad's laughter and my sister unconsciously followed in line by laughing at me laughing to myself, when I was actually laughing because my dad was laughing.

How cool is it to laugh at each other unconsciously and then to realize that it was a laughing chain?

Laughing is contagious. (:

favourite.

When you are not feeling well, it's sentences like this that makes you feel better and then goes on to make your day.

"I have another surprise for you."

(:

unforeseen.

What could most possibly be a night of nightmares turned out to be a night of unexpected and weird dreams. A very very oddball.

To cut the short story shorter, I dreamed of two of my friends ; they were both wearing pajamas in the dream. My pajamas, to be exact. And they are both of the opposite gender.

I guess what happened in the afternoon did not give me the fear but gave me the shock.

I wonder why is it that I dreamed of those two particular people. Perhaps it is due to what has happened lately. But I certainly do not want to see them both in my pajamas.

I don't want to listen anymore.

why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why?
why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why?

WHY?

That spot is going to be empty from now on.
All I can do now, is just to imagine that you're there, to pretend that you'll always be there on that particular time; sitting or standing on that very spot, smiling and/or laughing, bringing happiness & joy into my life, just like you always do.

crushed. xx

of beautiful creations & wonders.

They love you,
but do you love them as much as they do?

They are about to leave,
but I pray that that day will never come.

running, hiding.

Like a pill, crushed.
What they say might be true- trust, sympathy, tease, attention and naive.

Goodbye & goodnight!
I need my special friend, my secret library buddy.

ride around.

I had a great afternoon today. A very enjoyable & memorable one.
And thank you for the ride! (:

here we go, ride around, round and round.

remember?

definitely.

unrevealed dashes.

You know, I'm still fighting my way through.

Can't I, we just go back to last time?
To be like last time.

I always forget to forget about it.

to a shallow end.

I have been very lazy to sign into blogger and msn lately, but facebook has an exception; which I don't know why. I want, I want tomorrow to be a holiday! But I won't be getting it. :(

During Bio lab lessons on Tuesday, which we did the testing of tensile strength of vegetables fibre ; I was thinking that we should have vegetables rights. Because, as soon as we were done with our amusing & "entertaining" experiment, certain classmates of mine resorted to carving the Petola. Poor petola! And the tables were full with fibres and vegetable waste. But, we did have a great time, didn't we? :D Bio practicals are the best!

I remember I had a whole lot of stuff to blog about, but they seemed to have slipped through me.
Reading tomorrow, I think I'm gonna enjoy it! (:

Math test today was =/. I remember our first math exam in Form Five; brings back sweet memories. ♥ memories don't go away. This sentence suits the poem that we did this morning - six young mens by ted hughes. At least I remembered something from Lit! :P

On a more interesting note, I had a good lunch today! Yummy yummy, with good company. Plus, today is a very important day in the life of my dear friend, miss orange umbrella, who took the public bus for the first time to lunch with us and who walked back to campus together.

Can't think of much stuff already. ;)

under your protection;

they can't be seen, they can't be touched;
they can only be felt.

to a further distance.

Excuse me for the unpleasant sentences you're about to read.
I'm just frustrated, disheartened & upset.
--

What more do you expect of me? I gave you my best, my very best! I gave you more than I could ever give; because I thought you deserved it. A second chance, a third chance and all the other following chances. But is this what I get in return?

I give up! Please go away.
I'm trying so hard to mend and to recover, but it's all a one-sided effort.

I'm so tired of pretending.
I'll say a prayer for you and leave.

that fairytale kind of feeling.

Happy eighteenth birthday!

I'm sure this birthday have been a very blessed and memorable one.
Check your diary to recall this special day whenever you feel like it and always remember that there are people in your life who cares and loves you.

Also, never forget your birthday wish. ;)
You know who you ♥ .

xx
your just-turned-18 year old self.

overflowing.

Thank you

to everyone for the wishes, the blessings & the love.
to blogger for the cute virtual slice of cake.
to the youth for the surprise, the fun, the ♥, the happy moments and the yummy cake.
to the college mates for the card & the cute, pretty cupcakes.
to the cousin for her wonderful & touching birthday message.
to the best friends for their birthday wishes.
to a certain someone for the poem & wish.
to the family for the surprise & the 18 muffins!
to the dearest secret pal for saving me from drowning.
to another someone for the most special & extraordinary birthday song.
to the sister in christ for the dolphin key chain & the teddy box. :D
to the brother for the teddy, the card, the heroic moment & for being ever so nice. (;

And to God for all the amazing people and the wonderful things that He has placed in my life. Also, for being able to celebrate my eighteenth birthday more than I could ever wish for. It has been a very blessed birthday!

Who knew I'd be surprised with a birthday cake and a birthday song by the pool one day after I heard someone being surprised by the pool as well? <3 you all.

Thank youu all too. :)
xx

cherished;

sweetest, you are. ♥

hear 'em.

I hear people singing the birthday song.
Happy Birthday to you who is downstairs, by the pool and who is being surprised with a birthday cake.
--
Suddenly, I miss my best friend terribly.

falling stars.

Tired. But not willing to get off this chair. I'm supposed to have started packing for tomorrow or at least make a simple list on what I would like to bring. But I haven't got to that also. Maybe it's because of the three people that I haven't talked to for a long time. (:

It's been a long time since I stayed home on a Friday night. But then again, I've lost my usual late Friday nights conversation. But considering that I'm up this late tonight, still talking to a certain few; I feel contented. I just realised that I've used 4 'buts' within such small number of sentences. I must love to reason a lot. Maybe the results for the personality test that my Math lecturer gave me is really accurate.

All I hear is the sound of spinning fan and me carefully typing away on the keyboard, afraid to make any noise. It's pin-drop silence. And I'm thinking of being at the beach now, to listen to the waves and to walk along the shore till sun rise.

two words;

Heart's racing.

slipped.

"I'll wait."

yes,this has a double meaning.

internally.

random thoughts with half a minute to a minute interval;

I should change the color of the fonts again. Where's my sister? Oh no, where did I leave my math notes again? It's so quiet now. Maybe I should go and find ants.Watching the blinking light on the modem. 6.52 pm & counting. That picture staring into my face is so tempting. I haven't been here in a long time. That fan is dusty. Low battery. www.yellowpages.com.my. yellowpages is an error. I hear people screaming in the pool. The stack of paper in the printer is not thick enough. My dirty shoes. Approaching footsteps, they're gone. I can't believe what happened this afternoon. Aww..I wish I was a part of what I watched. I should not sit here any longer. 9 pieces of clothing. I see a hole and 2 cloth pegs. It's been an hour and 15 minutes. Customer Deliveries? I want a hat. Awkward conversation I just had. Brown is a nice colour. The doorbell just rang.

overdosed.

good things come to those who wait. ;)

just like glass.

Good night & Sweet dreams. (:
I had a long, tiring day but a great night to end with.

xx

bookstore hideout.

Yesterday, yesterday, yesterday;
I enjoyed myself.
I had fun.
Yesterday, yesterday, yesterday;
wouldn't be like any other days. (:

I had the privileged to watch 'UP' with the company of a best friend and a cinema full of familiar faces. I had a great time in the bookstore reading random lines out loud from any book we picked out and browsing through certain books just for fun with a certain friend. :D

I had fun, did you?

p.s. I think the 'just for fun' books we read speaks the truth to a certain extent. :P

the fast forward button.

Everything happens for a reason.

I live by this principle because it's no use crying over spill milk. So, no matter how badly I did today or how much I embarrassed myself; everything happened for a reason. (:

Be optimistic & positive in life. That way, everything will be much easier.

"you must stay strong. at least, for a couple more years."

too familiar.

They say, ‘A picture speaks a thousand words’, but you don’t need a thousand words to describe a picture.
This is because words are magical; they are miraculous and they can simply do wonders.
- written on the 9th of August 2009.

to follow the heart or the mind?

tell no lies tonight.

I've been listening to music all afternoon. Watching TV, reading, organizing my CDs, sleeping, poking extra holes in my shoe straps... anything to not think about how miserable I am when I think. I created this other me and this other world that I occasionally slip into when I can't deal with anything anymore. Sometimes today I've looked in the mirror and thought "I look alright, normal even. Nobody would think I was sick, and tired, and friendless. Nobody could guess just by looking that the only person I really cared about has just abandoned me" I flip a few entries back in my journal and remembered our snowball fight. We were so happy just a few days ago... I wish I could talk to you but I can't even look at you. I feel so bad. I want to apologize for the times I answered nothing when you asked "What's wrong?" Sometimes... sometimes I just didn't want to talk about things. I felt maybe my thoughts should stay in my head and maybe for once I should deal with it all on my own... I'm sorry I did that so often. All the memories we made... Look! Now I'm starting to cry. I wish we could still be friends. But I guess all we can be is sorry. - trying to forget.

and this speaks the truth.

your purple eraser.

I tend to shiver a little when I see the pictures.
But then again, it might not be a shiver.

It might just be a desire to go back to where I used to be.

7 minutes remaining.

Just because I'm waiting for a song to be downloaded. (:

Ignored rule: Once you’ve been tagged, you have to answer this and tag at least 15 people, including the person who tagged you.
Tagged by: the one who is unhappy with her tooth fairy. :P

1. What color is your toothbrush?
Blue

2. Name one person who made you smile today.
The one who sent me a message during chem class.

3. What were you doing at 8AM this morning?
Cramming Bio facts.

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Eating baby tomatoes.

5. Favorite Candy Bars?
- But I like gummy bears. (:

6. Have you ever been to a strip club?
No.

7. What is the last thing you said aloud?
"Two is it?"

8. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Vanillaaaaaa.

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Water. But I wasn't forced to.

10. Do you like your wallet?
Yes.

11. What was the last thing you ate?
Baby tomatoes. And am going to get more to eat.

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Nope.

13. The last sporting event you watched?
Ha-ha Ha.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
I don't have a favorite flavor.

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to and what did it say?
Laveen. Asking him to enjoy his date. :P

16. Ever gone camping?
Yea.

17. Do you take vitamins daily?
No. I feel bad.

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?
Yea.

19. Do you have a tan?
Uhm.. not physically.

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
I like both.

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?
Yes.

22. What did your last text message say that someone sent you?
" I was watching ------ try on clothes. Haha. Anyway --. You should have come then ----"
Oops,too much details. :X

23. What are you doing tomorrow?
Living tomorrow.

25. Look to your left, what do you see?
I see plenty of things.

26. What color is your watch?
=)

27. What do you think of when you hear Australia?
Family. And the place where many things happened.

28. What is your birthstone?
It's a blue one.

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru?
I wouldn't want pollutants diffusing into my food.

30. What is your favorite number?
Eight, simply because.

31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone?
A family member.

32. Any plans today?
Sleep. Watch tv. Pack my bags. Write something. No plans today.

33. How many states have you lived in?
In this country? 3 States.

34. Biggest annoyance right now?
Being indecisive. Recalling certain things that shouldn't be recalled or even be reminisced.

35. Last song listened to?
Broken strings, James Morrison.

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards?
Tebahpla. XD

37. Do you have a maid service to clean your house?
No.

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
If you're observant enough, you'll know. ;)

39. Are you jealous of anyone?
Someone, yea.

40. Is anyone jealous of you?
Nope.

41. Do you love anyone?
Yea.

42. Do any of your friends have children?
Yes.

43. What do you usually do during the day?
Being up and about, here and there. Or you'll find me falling asleep sometimes.

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
Nop.

45. Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily?
Yea. Add 'ot' before hello and you get Othello. Haha. Too much of Othello lately.

46. What color is your car?
If I owned one, preferably a Mini Cooper, it would be metallic blue.
(I'm going to leave her answer here as my answer is the same. :D But I wouldn't mind a yellow one too.)

47. Do you like cats?
Err.. I know people who loves them.

48. Are you thinking about someone right now?
I think the right term would be something. or somewhere. ;D

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
No. Would love too one day.

50. How did you get your worst scar?
You want to know? XD.

And the 'song' I downloaded is not a song. It is a podcast. :(

next few steps.

There is so much to do and just so much I can do. The to-do list is ever growing and the 'you have to do this...you have to do that' lines have now become a daily routine, perhaps I'm even immune to it. Yes, immune to it.

Holidays are in 3 days time. Let's just hope I get through this 3 days. Starting from chem homework now.

paper crisp.

I especially found this interesting.

Katie Jordan: When I was in college, I had to write this paper....it was for some philosophy class I was taking, on any book that we thought best depicted the way that we viewed the world...and I can remember some people picking books by the great thinkers...Kierkegaard and Plato...some kids chose the Bible...I wrote my paper on "Harold and the Purple Crayon...it's a small book, about a little boy who draws the world the way he wants it to be with his magic crayon, and I just loved that book because it was about everything that I wasn't. But the problem in a marriage, is that if one person is always Harold, drawing the world the way he wants it to be with his magic crayon, the other person has no choice but to draw the world the way that it is. Which is probably why they never wrote a book about Harold's wife.
- The Story of Us

through the strings.

the words that accompanies the melody.

tell no truth tonight.

What's this feeling I'm feeling?

Keep it to myself, write it in my diary and make it my little secret.

sand in my shoes.

But because right at this moment, I'm happy like that; just thinking about all the pieces of life that are of vibrant colours and sweet memories.

for a violinists.

Happy :) Seventeenth Birthday! ♥

You're performing at a place right now and I'm not sure whether you're playing the violin tonight
but I hope to see you play one day! ;D

Glad you like the little surprise. (:
Enjoy being seventeen!

the journal.

I've been away from here.
And this place feels like an old yet loyal teddy bear, sitting on the corner of the bed, waiting to be hugged again.

to sleep, perchance to dream.

A dream is a wish your heart makes,
when you're fast asleep,
in dreams you can lose your heartache,
whatever you wish for you keep...

to the exit.

Trying to make my way to the exit.

Terrible. Horrible.
So I think and what I've heard.
But I'm sure it'll all get way better.

Be patient, everything will be fine. In the mean time, take a deep breathe. xx

upon a rainbow.

as we go on,
we remember all the times we had together.


do you remember that we once wore white shoes together?

maybe, someday.

Today has been tiring and despite a few dents here and there, it was a very good day in one way or another.

I've got stories and pictures to share! ;)
Am excited for what's coming along next.

Life's good when you have love, joy and peace everywhere around you. (:

I got to see my dear 'sibling' today!!!! :D
But didn't manage to talk much. :(
I miss those days, but I can have them back, right? (:

4 happy smileys and 1 sad one. The happy ones out beat the sad ones. Happy, it is! Hehe
xx

last train home.

Just to keep it short (well, I'll try) ,
yesterday was unbelievably awesome & amazing. Simply because of the people and the way we spent our time together. (:

Now, instead of Thursday Thursday Thursday;

Sunday Sunday Sunday! :D

'It was a LONG but GREAT day. *smile*'
- J.

simple & short.

How does it feel like to be on the last train home?

make some cucumber juice.

I think the title has got to do with the fact that I have eaten 3 sticks of cucumbers. Are they called sticks anyway? Yup, not cucumber sticks like carrot sticks. But, 3 long Japanese cucumbers, with wasabi. Yummy! :)

Just for the record and for memories sake, I have eaten 2 Apples, 3 Bananas, 3 Japanese cucumbers and half a Papaya from yesterday till now.

I feel good. Plus a great sense of accomplishment! Hehe.

Would you make me some watermelon juice instead?
Yes, you.

you need to do the tango.

I'm done! I'm done! I'm done!
I'm done!
yesh, the kimono people has been completed.

Another thing off my to-do list. :D
*dancing jellybean*

p.s. I wanna sit in your car after you get your license. (:

glue stains.

I am really really fed up & afraid of them kimono bookmarks now. The stickiness of the glue, the not round faces, the shortage of ready to stick hair, running out on paper necks, the glue stains and aagh! But thank God for someone's songs that help me go through the entire process. Well, not the entire yet. I still have 12 to do!

I want to see Mr. Darcy instead.
I should just finish up the remaining twelve bookmarks, get over it & bring myself to meet Darcy.

ohh, and listen to more of the songs. (:

dwells in me.

Flicking out his black velvet coat tails, he steps towards me and,
ignoring my outstretched hand, bows his head politely.
Then he looks up and fixes me with the most intense,
velvety brown eyes I've ever seen.

'I, am Mr Darcy.'

♥

switch it off.

I nearly vomitted when I saw something. I should have seen it coming. Ick! =/

I've just came upon the climax of the story of the book that I'm reading but the thing is, it ended way too fast that I keep re-reading the exciting part. I should move on. Hehe. ;)

I had fish balls for dinner and still craving for more at this moment. I should have bought more. Yum! :p

I want to go on Thursday, please oh please. I should ask again tomorrow. Please? Please? Please? :D

I feel sleepy. I should retire to bed. Goodnight, world! :)

xx

- - -

Hello.
(:

for some time.

to three very different person,

I'm still keeping your message,
because it never fails to make me happy! (:
--

where are you?
I miss you, dear sibling!
*violin plays in the background* ;)
--

and the last one,

because you only know how to upset me.
But it's okay, I've learned from mistakes and
it's so much nicer to laugh the sorrows off with person #1.
I'm a happy kid, don't worry!

yet the three of you mean a lot to me.

brown paper box.

Out of the blue, people have been asking me questions like

'How are you doing?'
'How's life now?'

Contrary to the title of this post, life has been pretty good. Better in a way, actually. I've come to realize that there's just so many other things outside your comfort zone that can make you happy, even a smile from a new found friend can do wonders. So, (: !

Of course, catching up with old friends and best friends can totally light up your days as well. :P
I have been doing that, and that makes me happy! Seeing that we're all slowly turning a year older, with more capabilities and responsibilities, there are also more things that we can do together now. And I thank God for that blessing.

Here's to an everlasting & happy friendship! ♥

falling off the steps.

Every girl is looking for her Mr Darcy.
Imagine if you found the real one ...

That was just taken off the cover of the book I'm reading. (:
And has nothing to do with what I feel like typing out today. I feel different today, I don't know why. Maybe because it's a Friday. :D Also maybe there's a relation to my long to-do list and I have only been able to cancel out one thing.

Oh well, it's the holidays.

"Do not worry about tomorrow: tomorrow will take care of itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own."
(Matt. 6:34)

night time blessings.

June 11th 'o9.
also what you missed, Ju. XD

like an untold fairytale.

'Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized.'

'I see the sparkle from the million flashlights
A wonderwall of stars
But the one that's shining out so bright
Is the one right where you are.'

'I'm outside in this cold still looking for you
If everything'd stop I'd listen for your heart
To lead me right to you, yeah
I tried every way I can.'

'And when you're standing here in front of me
That's when I know that God does exist
'Cause he will have answered every single prayer
To be with you
Just to be with you.'

'We were apart but your heart never let go
So thank you for showin' me with one look
What used to be, and still is, a possibility.'

'I'm ready to run forever.
I'm holdin' it together,
'Cause I'm comin' to you.
I don't know how far I've got,
But I don't care.'

'Tell me why you're so hard to forget
Don't remind me I'm not over it
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you
Not over you;

Memories supposed to fade
what's wrong with my heart?'

'Some days are cold
But together, one day we'll both
Change the weather.

I don't wanna say goodnight.'

'Here we are lying here,
It's our last final goodnight,
Just because it feels so good,
We're used to pretending we're alright.'

'You know the things have gotta change
You can't go back, you find a way.'

'So when I'm lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel that love is dead
I'm loving angels instead.'

'This is where it all begins,
So tell me it'll never end.
I can't fool myself, it's you and no one else.
If I could wish upon tomorrow, tonight would never end.
If you asked me, I would follow.
But for now, I just pretend.
If anyone can make me fall in love, You can.'

Dear you,
your enthusiasm's just like a bulletproof vest.
'only you can take me sailin' in your deepest eyes.' (:

an untold secret, like an untold fairytale. xx

hidden but found;

Stored under the draft section in my phone, I came across what I've typed and saved on March 6th '09. It was something that I've been told but have forgotten and now, am reminded. (:

Evangelism is like one beggar telling another where to find food.

a pair of shadows;

When I got back home on Thursday night after spending the entire day with the best friends,
I was a very very happy kid! (:

But that night got me thinking as well.

'Because I can't cry over it, I'll laugh over it.'
Talking about it indirectly with some of my favorite people is, unexpectedly, the most effective cure for me. Really. I hadn't knew that I would be so relaxed and laughed upon it until it happened. And when I thought back about it like I often do before I doze off, I found it -surprisingly- very distant from me; because it was once very dear & close to me. I guess it's the better for me as well.
Laugh it off, shrug it off & let it be.

'I can't help but to think about that night. Someone's right, I'm always over thinking things.'

♥

before it all goes up in smoke.

today has been a pretty long day despite being home all day long.

& I am lost for words when I saw that sentence.
Is there a meaning to it? or was it just out of spontaneity?

Time to read a book before I hit the ol' sack. (:
Tomorrow will be a better day, trust me.

Goodnight, you! xx

listen to the rhythm of nature;

so it wasn't as I had always imagined;
all of us squeezed into the back of an old but warm truck,
bopping to the music playing of a familiar song,
laughing our minds out while the wind gently brushed across our faces,
making ourselves silly while we stole random shots of one another.

but we made it for a road trip, and it was good. (:

All 20 of us got ourselves into 4 cars -instead of an old truck- and left for the jungle after breakfast. It was to be a waterfall, but it was more like a flowing stream when we arrived. The journey there was a little nerve-wrecking, a little worrying and of course we were constantly proclaiming sentences like 'I can't see them.' , 'Where is he?' , 'Why is he going so fast?' , 'Faster give them a call.' , 'Ask them where are they.' and 'Do you see them now?'. And we concluded that either we bought every car a flag, use walkie-talkie the next time or make sure the leading car was in a color even a blind man can see. But no doubt, we had the fun side of road trips journey. When we came across a particular spot along the high way near Genting, our memory couldn't help but brought back memories of one particular year when something 'significant' happened by the roadside.

When we finally got ourselves to Lentang -it sounds so much like kentang, which is making me hungry now-, the place was already filled with so many people. Mostly families, unlike us. But we're a family too, right? :) Settled down and we let the fun begin! No point going into details now but it was really nice to get back to nature after the exams I had just sat the night before. Yes, the night before. We had fun, went down and went up the stream, sat against the current, fell down, pulled a muscle, got stared at -maybe because we were behaving like we've never been to a stream before and therefore we were acting like monkeys-, splashed water at each other, pictures taken and so much more. But to me, the most memorable thing we all did was sit around a few big rocks and just enjoy each other's company and of course, the cold flowing water, the shady trees and the rays of sunlight that broke in between the gaps of the shady trees.

Too bad my date wasn't there. Right, joel? :(

dolphin whispers.

beautiful day today. (:

written in black.

When someone leaves, it's not the leaving of the person that hurts the most, but knowing that that the person won't be there anymore. The once filled spot will from then onwards be empty and will always remain empty. Even if the certain someone is still around.

One of the most disappointing disappointment you may feel in yourself after an exam paper you have tried your very best and have put a lot of effort in it is not knowing that you could have done better in your exam, but the shaking of the head of one when that someone ask you how did your exam go and all you could say was 'okay'.

Sometimes, I may have my own desires. And my desires are not because of other people's desire.
I would very much appreciate if I weren't thrown with these 'out of the blue' random accusations.

Just had to get that off my mind.
--
On a happier (way happier) note, I have a month off! (:
And I just might have the perfect plans, who knows?

embrace it;

The butterflies in my stomach is definitely still around.

although it has been a while.
♥

every day's drug.

guess where? (:

when I said goodnight;

"let's play a game."
"what game?"
"the one we always play. you know, the one where you connect words with the last alphabet of the previous word. except this time, we use people's name, okay?"
"we always play this when we can't sleep."
"okay, then let's count the sheeps."
"count until we fall asleep?"
(doesn't bother, starts counting) "one sheep, two sheeps, three sheeps, four, five..."

"why don't just arahan kepada semua sheeps: masuk baris!"
"and then, satu barisan sepuluh sheep."

haha
"why don't you add- dari kiri nombo?"

and then we erupted into fits of laughter.
no wonder I couldn't wake up this morning.

blinking street lights.

Disappointing. Disappointed. Disappointment.
How far will this go?

Dwell not on the past, even though it was just an hour and a half ago, it is still the past.
Learn from your mistakes & do better the next time.

No use crying over spill milk, right myself?

Focus on the next thing that you need to do,
and take care of yourself. (:
--

" don't be too hard on yourself.
life is never perfect,
you have to fail sometimes."

sent messages.

I am really liking you now. Really.
If only you knew. But you would never know.
Oh well, you should know one day.
I am fickle minded at times. (:

So choose. Should you know?
I think ---

xx
I want to talk to the sixteen going on seventeen year old sibling.

tell me why.

you're so flawless, you're so perfect.

like everything I ever wished for.

pretty evening skies.

would love some waffles, pancakes and fried eggs now. (:

I wonder when will the whole new feeling start to kick in. Because it still feels like the old is lurking around somewhere, but it's nice to have the old around. ;) even if I'm alone at it.
Peace, tranquility, serenity.. what more could I ask for?

In the middle of exams and bio paper is in 5 days time. Barely stuffed any facts into my head although have been going through my notes for the past few days.
At least today was pretty well spent compared to the other days with reading a book, doing some math and reading more bio notes.

It's evening already, how time flies when you're having and not having fun. In the midst of exam period, don't we all agree that we tend to find more meaningless things to do besides studying compared to what we find during non-exam period?

Aagh! I don't want to be one of those. I need to study. study. study.

Okay, off to read more books & then to bury my head in my notes again.

xx
are you done with your exams yet? :D

I hope I can make it for Friday night.

sent by the wind.

Happy Birthday.
♥

with love.

- -

are all these hints

to tell me that
after all, it wasn't worth it at all?

Sometimes, I choose not to believe.

like no other.

It's nice to stay up till the wee hours of the morning, just to chat with a 'long time no see' good friend. You never know what the midnight can do to your conversation. From depressing news to school stuff to sending songs over to talking about the singer to food to what effect the food can do to you to complaining that it's so hot to --- and finally to goodnight.
Can't wait for your exams to be over.
xx

sweet surprise, for you.

It's the 18th already? That was fast. One year and a month flew past just like that.

You never know what you're in for till you get it.

xx

too beautiful a moment.

was listening to David, live, from manila! through a phone call!
Thank you dearest cousin for the call! Hope you'll enjoy yourself! (:
and she chose to call me when he sang my favourite song! So nice of her. I miss her. :(

It was so sweet & the awesome vocals & my gosh! everything around me came to a halt. teehee
:D :D :D

♥♥

did you say something?

♥

sweet morning scent.

May the 13th;

Happy 18th birthday Laveen!

I'm glad you liked the little gift. Have a blessed 18th! (:
Everything that I've got to say to you is in the card.

May the 14th;

Someone just turned twenty three! ;)
Happy 23rd birthday Gabriel!

Bachelor doesn't sound old lar, it just sounds more classy. Like, eligible bachelor of the year kind of class. XD Since you're 23, I hope your little wishes will come true at the end of the year when -- you know what, I think. =)

And last but not least,

Happy 17th Kevin! :)

May you always be happy & cheerful! :) Enjoy your last year as a high school student & I'm sure you'll do well in overcoming the BIG giant monster- SPM! hehe All the best!

And remember, as cliche as it may sound, when life hands you lemon, make lemonade!

it's been a while..

since we had cousin outings. And like J has said, cousin outings are the best! It always feels good to be around family, what more family who are around your age, who share similar interest, who knows and understands every step you're going through and about to take in life? hehe (: Now, don't you feel the happiness someone is having? ;)

So the weekend was amazingly amazing. And yes, I had a date. Hey, I thought some pair of brothers wanted to tag along to see how special the guy is? XD guess they couldn't make it. Anyhow, it was good and we all enjoyed ourselves. Cousin sister drove to the mall with three people in the backseat and her dad riding shotgun. I have to admit, her driving skills have improved a lot, except maybe for the parking part. haha The three of us at the back couldn't help but to giggle and chuckle once in a while throughout the entire journey. We had American cuisine, watched a movie although it's the cousin sister's second time and the cousin brother's third time, walked around, bought gifts, bought ourselves some stuff and spent time in each others company. Unfortunately/Fortunately (which do you prefer?) ; Surprisingly (haha I prefer surprisingly) , I got to know some very shocking news.
Very.very.very.shocking news that I'm still trying to digest.

On a happier note, both cousin sister and I got ourselves similar tribal band. This happy note remained as I was trying to digest the shocking news I was thrown with in the afternoon until night came knocking on my door. Guess that wasn't the end of my day.

What literally blew me away was more surprising news that night.
My jaw dropped. I was speechless. I am still trying to digest that little piece of information. When I say little, I don't really mean it. It's trivial at times yet a little obvious at the same time.

Moving on, Sunday! Reached church pretty early and started the day with a present. =)
No, not for me but for someone else. I hope you like it! The youth took two single parent family out for lunch but I had to bail out because I had yet another date, with the cousin sister again. I really thank God for today because after 853986720954 times of planning to go out by ourselves, we finally did today! So we sat at Coffee Bean after lunch for a good 1 hour plus to just catch up and tell each other what we've been meaning to share about college, life and uhm, stuff. Walked around BSC for a while but it was the wrong place to be so we ended up in Cold Storage. We looked around for groceries, made a detour just to get something we wanted which was a stone throw's away just to kill time, imagined ourselves being where we were at a certain phase of life and literally walk the entire shop a few times. We ended up with two bags of chips, one box of cereal and something else that should not be mentioned. It is afterall, too random a thing. haha

Then, we went over to another mall where we got ourselves another tribal band! (: They're so pretty and sporty all together. Here, we ended up in this little cafe ala coffeeshop style playing Happy Family and Snake & Ladder while munching on chips. Such enjoyable moments! Definitely worth every second. =)

Thank you to those who made my weekend an awesome and memorable one. Cousin outings, the best; EDEN projects, a must!
Youth times--who would want to miss it? ;)

hardest to forget.

Dear you,

Tomorrow signifies the starting of a brand new phase in life for you. Although I feel reluctant to let go of last year's, I know I have to, one way or another. And unfortunately for me, I'll have to learn it the hard way. You know this better than anyone. (:
Also starting from tomorrow, you'll be making new friends, and you'll get to know more people. Your contact list will also be filled with your new friend's contact and your inbox with their messages. But I hope you'll never forget mine. I know that it's very selfish of me to think that you'll have new classmates and that I'll never be one of your classmates anymore. It saddens, I admit. Nevertheless, I also hope that you'll think of me once in a while when you rewind back to the group of classmates you once had, the classroom nearest to the rubbish room we once resided and the fun times we once shared. I will remember, this I promise you.
Do you remember the truths or dare? Do you remember the charades? Do you remember the girl who used to sit by the window and who will always walk the 12 steps to your table?

The nostalgic parts aside, I sincerely hope that you'll spend the two years with lots of fun and happiness, with great classmates and amazing friends! Also, don't be too playful yea? ;) hehe
Enjoy the times you're going to spend there and I hope you'll do well and be the best. Shine as bright as the stars, just like you always do. Take care and if you need a friend at anytime, anywhere; I'll always be here.

Love, your ex-classmate.

put on our bulletproof vest...

because I don't want us to get hurt, because we have to stay strong no matter what happens. And whatever that we are thrown with at this time, we have to keep our faith going and be there for each other yea!
because we are all a family.

yesterday, my maternal extended family lost someone very dear to us all. but no matter what it is, I'm assured that my uncle is with God right now in a place without grief and pain but filled with pure joy and happiness.
--
you can skip the following part of the blog post, it's just a reply to my cousin because it'll be a very long reply for a comment. (:

The sad part:: yes, also pray that those who are there with her will be able to encourage her and that she'll find the strength to pick herself up again to continue on.

The peculiar part:: looks like someone's clothing is getting valuable. and priceless. I wonder why would anyone want to steal those?

The good part:: Congrats!!!!!! We shall celebrate today yea! Although when the time comes for you to see this post, we would have already celebrated it. Also we would have probably done so much priceless cousin stuff together with our dear shy cousin that our legs are all sore but nevertheless is so happy and satisfied that we decided to reserve this day just for ourselves. Except for you lar who have been starting your days in the evening. Teeheee. But you better start adjusting your biological clock again, because next weekend, you can't afford to wake up at such ungodly hour. You know why right? ;)
But you always do well, and I'm proud of thee. *hug*

The fun part:: And we're going to watch one of those two again today ...... right?
I'm sure both you and I will have more to write about today under this category because it's going to be fun & memorable!

The yellow part:: Finally! Someone starts eating more papaya. XD I remember last time when I used to offer you papayas, you'll always opt for watermelons. Come join the papaya family. hehe.

The driving part:: This I can't wait. Really.really.can't.wait. It's 11.04 now, so there's another 1 hour and 25 minutes to go. No, my math isn't bad, if you get what I mean. Hmm..shall I record another video?

The aberrant part:: Oy! hehe. You better start adjusting it back before next weekend comes knocking on your door. Aaaaah! The excitement!

The worst part:: You know,this shouldn't be labeled as the worst part. because He never forgets you nor forsake you. It should be labeled as the grateful part. grateful because you are conscious that you have been distracted. grateful because He will always be there for you, to lead you and to guide you no matter what happens. grateful because He will never forsake you nor forget you although we as humans tend to prioritize other worldly things compared to Him. therefore, be grateful yea dearest cousin? Nothing is worst in your life. we shall be grateful together!

Now for me to go and get ready to see you! And my 'lame' jokes yet shy entertaining cousin brother. What happened to the older cousin brother who thinks he is DA's look alike? teeheee..

post script, just for you.

psst.... I've something for you. I've something that I want to tell you.
But I'm afraid to tell you. So I wrote it down somewhere, in one of my little notebooks.
Look for it, only if you want to. If you don't, you'll come to know about it soon anyhow, when something happens. But if it doesn't happen... oh well, I don't know.

haha goodnight.
psst.. Joel, going for the 'date' tomorrow. XD

hit the wrong note.

I keep searching for something interesting to read and something worth writing about.
But little did I know, laid before me is already a story by itself. A story which I shouldn't take for granted, because through this story, I'll be able to learn. There are also many precious memories, whether good or bad waiting for me to pick up as I read through the story. This story will also teach me to be happy, to be sad; because by being sad once in a while then only we will appreciate the taste of happiness.

The title of this story is - My story.

"why risk your bright future in your past?" (:

write your name here.

miss them. miss school. miss --

now to move on to our next EDEN project. ;)

you lost grip.

I don't know whether is it just me or not, but honestly, I still feel the sting. I still question, what did I do wrong? I want to know, I need to know. But there's just no answer, or more like you just don't want to answer. Maybe my assumptions were right after all but you have every right to come and ask me, correct me and prove me wrong. Unfortunately for me (fortunately for you?), all these are merely my dreams. Or maybe as I've thought (& still think so) and as I've heard, it was all in the name of sacrifice. I really hope it is.

127 days, you've clearly move along.

Please tell me I'm wrong.

xx
buried in you but still alive in me.

three wishes for you.

no,wait. me.

I asked, 'are we done with mocks?'. Before anyone could answer, I answered myself. :D
So, done with mocks. Next in line, the real deal. Didn't do well for mocks, I better do well for the real exams. But before that, I got some 'unimportant' stuff to do. ;)
And a letter to write. Weeeee~

the wonders, the colours.

let's see if I remember (from left to right),

Dark blue for Darcy; Purple for Lydia and Wickham; Bright pink for Elizabeth Bennet; Baby pink for Jane Bennet; Orange for Charlotte and Collins; Yellow for Lady Catherine de Bourgh and Anne de Bourgh; Green for Mr and Mrs Bennet; and last but not least, Baby blue for Bingley.

Yea, Pride and Prejudice. :p

p.s. there are reasons to why the colours are assigned to the specific characters.

unattached strings.

Feeling incomplete, because I didn't complete my test paper. ):

I'm sorry, I couldn't finish filling up the blanks.

quiet like that.

You don't know how much you can discover while sitting in the car, spending two hours on the highway zooming past lush greenery, staring into the beautiful evening sky and listening to a certain someone's voice through the earphones.

I enjoyed every moment of it.

remember those days?

August 9th 2008- Photo 023

I was staring at it.
When I look at it, I can't deny the happiness. We both looked happy. (:
I can still recall that day and what ever that happened.

That day when I stole a second and asked for a random shot..
& the picture turned out perfect!

Still remember what you said after you saw the photo?

Hehe Ohh, and I just realise your nose is a little big. :P

pause for emphasis.

Mocks and term break.
This two words shouldn't go together. They are mismatched.

The latter is like a locked heart, not meant to be open. For heart is where the love is and love is associated with happiness. And the apparent happiness can be felt when students like us have a holiday, or in other words- term break. Whereas the former is like a -- I don't know, like a heavy weight that shouldn't be there when it's supposed to be a holiday.

Oh well. let's just hope everything goes well although it doesn't seem so.

Be optimistic! Think positive. (:

NCIS later. Perfect way to distress and end the night before I retire to bed. Ohh, and mango too!

don't remind me.

So is this the scene where the both of us actually start walking in separate directions? Is this where we see the gap between us growing apart? Or have you already left by yourself? Was it all on purpose?

It was tiring catching up. You were always walking in front when I was at the back or when I was in front, you didn't bother walking faster. It was only me who usually took the initiative. To catch up, to make sure things were on par. Is this what we thought it was? Was this what we plan to share?

Then when we were on the same pace and when we decided that we're going on the same direction together, you decided to stop. Just stop. Dead End. More like, I was left at the dead end. Stuck. But you made a turn and started walking again, alone. Didn't even bother looking back to see if I was okay. Or did you?

Is this what you want?

More importantly,
Are you happy?