if you need to know, this is where i am at now.
I'm at the beginning of which i feel is an ending to a certain segment of my life.
and at the same time;
I'm at the beginning of a whole new beginning of another segment.
I'm at the beginning of which i feel is an ending to a certain segment of my life.
and at the same time;
I'm at the beginning of a whole new beginning of another segment.
the entire thing about the beginning of which i think is an ending used to be my favourite, my love and somewhere that i can confide in. Because these bunch of people used to always make me happy, used to always be by my side, used to care about me, used to be my everything. and now, i feel that we're growing apart except for one of them. maybe, just maybe it's me and not them. but you know what? I'm really tired and exhausted pretending that I don't care about you guys not caring about me or about being oblivious to the fact that I've been replaced. I try my best in everything I do with you all, but sometimes it takes more than trying to pretend to be actually spending time with you all. what i am referring to doesn't go out to all of you, there are still one or two who i actually still feel connected with.
just when i thought the walls were broken down, barricades were fixed.
as for me, I really don't know anymore. I don't know what I want, don't know what I still want, don't know what I can do, don't know whether I belong there, don't know who should I confide in, don't know don't know and just don't know. The whole situation is hidden somewhere in the fog, but a part of me still remembers everything vividly. maybe you all would say that i should just let go and i actually think that it's time to move on. but as said, i really don't know anymore. I know as someone who plays a leader role, I should not be like that. who cares? I've been replaced and forgotten, kept in a box and thrown into the basement.
I know, one of you told me that I've not been forgotten and everyone misses me. but, you know what? I really don't feel it. Why is it when i do something, you all take my words for granted? why is it you all must always test my patience? why do you think I'm not serious until i scream or break down in front of all of you? why do i feel forgotten when i haven't been in your presence for only 3 weeks? friends shouldn't feel this way, and this shouldn't be happening. why is it when two person is in charge, only one person takes it seriously most of the time? why is it that you guys ALWAYS take me for granted? why? why? why? It hurts to know that I feel this way, torn apart from all of you.
why do you have to create all this chaos?
everytime i think of it, i feel like breaking down. but, i know it's not worth it.
and as i am writing this down, putting them into words, snippets of everything we've been through have been flashing before my mind.
and this is the only place, the only someone who seems to understand me better that i do myself, the only one who i can confide in, the only place where i can snuggle up and feel the warmth, the only place where i can express everything and the only one who would never make me sad; instead turn me around and make me forget all the sorrows that i have.i have the sense of belonging here.
i will never give this up for anything else.
just when i thought the walls were broken down, barricades were fixed.
as for me, I really don't know anymore. I don't know what I want, don't know what I still want, don't know what I can do, don't know whether I belong there, don't know who should I confide in, don't know don't know and just don't know. The whole situation is hidden somewhere in the fog, but a part of me still remembers everything vividly. maybe you all would say that i should just let go and i actually think that it's time to move on. but as said, i really don't know anymore. I know as someone who plays a leader role, I should not be like that. who cares? I've been replaced and forgotten, kept in a box and thrown into the basement.
I know, one of you told me that I've not been forgotten and everyone misses me. but, you know what? I really don't feel it. Why is it when i do something, you all take my words for granted? why is it you all must always test my patience? why do you think I'm not serious until i scream or break down in front of all of you? why do i feel forgotten when i haven't been in your presence for only 3 weeks? friends shouldn't feel this way, and this shouldn't be happening. why is it when two person is in charge, only one person takes it seriously most of the time? why is it that you guys ALWAYS take me for granted? why? why? why? It hurts to know that I feel this way, torn apart from all of you.
why do you have to create all this chaos?
everytime i think of it, i feel like breaking down. but, i know it's not worth it.
and as i am writing this down, putting them into words, snippets of everything we've been through have been flashing before my mind.
honestly, I'm tired of this drama.
just let me regain my energy and wind down a little. and while I'm at it, please don't make things worse.
hopefully, I'll still have the will power to carry on.
just let me regain my energy and wind down a little. and while I'm at it, please don't make things worse.
hopefully, I'll still have the will power to carry on.
**********
being on a beginning of a whole new beginning at the same time makes me feel as if being sliced into half, if you get my drift. of course this happy side of me would very much dominated my entire self, but honestly speaking, there is still a small proportion where the emotional and depressing side dwells. I am drifting away into this new beginning with a very open heart because i know that i need this and i hold this very dear to me; which is also my everything now.
and this is the only place, the only someone who seems to understand me better that i do myself, the only one who i can confide in, the only place where i can snuggle up and feel the warmth, the only place where i can express everything and the only one who would never make me sad; instead turn me around and make me forget all the sorrows that i have.i have the sense of belonging here.
i will never give this up for anything else.
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