presence.

imagine you, me, us; warmly tucked under our comforters; sesame street on play, cups of hot chocolate and a couple of waffles.

missing some special people.

today.

DELIGHTED.

(:

irreplaceable presence. laughter. foams. surprises. joy. thankfulness. conversations. blessings.

Say.

"Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you have decided to

look beyond the imperfections."

Hold on.

I'll continue to persevere and hang on even if there is no response. Because, I believe perseverance and my will to keep holding on will eventually break the wall that we have unconsciously built.

toffee nut.

Hope this happens someday. (:

you'll be my best buddies, dear dolphins!

Cold.

McDonald's breakfast. Orange Juice. Yummy cheese.
Notebook. Fills the empty pages with scribbles.
Turns on the laptop. Facebook. Blogger. Brain Bashers. YouTube. Google. Email. MSN News.
Opens Libraries. Pictures. Songs. Words.
Who I Am by David Archuleta on play. Downloading games.

"I’m gonna take this moment that I’m in right now,
Stop the craziness somehow.
Leave it all behind me,
I know it’s gonna find me."

recall.

Dear dreams, are you trying to tell me something?

Now.

Pillow.

Spent 3 days and 3 nights in my room watching episode after episode of a deeply appreciated piece of production. (: (:

What a beautiful escape from reality.
So much tears and laughter.
And much more love.

Fountain of joy.

I initially planned to type this account out after last week ended, but was occupied and was constantly in the 'lack of sleep' state during the weekend. But, I had a very good night's sleep last night and when I turned on the computer this afternoon, I saw something that read:

"Things fall apart so that other things can fall together."

To cut the long story short, last week wasn't a very good week. Certain things didn't go as well, there were some personal tension and pressure and everything seemed depressing. I was also reluctant in doing some of the things that I usually would be excited about. But just as the quote says, things fall apart so that other things can fall together; other things did fall together. (:

But what took away the depressing wind was a cocktail of family, friends and fun. A gathering of friends, which sparked lots of fun and returning to the family as the night came to an end. I really enjoyed whatever happened that night and also appreciate two very precious three-people conversation.

"Things fall apart so that other things can fall together."

Peace.

Smile, if your life is beautiful.

Even if there's only a little part of it that you think is beautiful, smile. Because it only takes a spark to ignite a fire. It only takes a spark to change our perception towards life. It only takes a spark for us to be encouraged and for us to keep on fighting towards our dream. Why sail through life's hardships with a frown that will only worsen and distort the beautiful picture of life when we can smile, be happy, laugh and make the most out of it. Smile, you'll look nicer with a smile. (:

in need of some fresh air, hot chocolate, adrenaline and adventure.

Gratitude.

Applications- DONE! (: (: Thank God for all the people who have helped, guided and who have so patiently put up with all my inquiries, questions, uncertainties and never ending emails.

Now for the waiting process but that, I surrender it all to you, Lord and I'm counting on you.

Everyday is a beautiful day; you just have to look at the pretty and positive side of things. Chase the dark clouds away!

Solace.

Dear God, please bless me with patience, courage and strength.

Joy.

YEAY! (:

In everything, there is always something worthy of a smile.

Dots.

Blehhh. There are thoughts that I want to put down in words but they just don't flow well today. Kenapa? I type them out and then I delete them. Type, delete. Type, delete.

I should probably get off the net 'cause I'm starting to squint my eyes. Have been sitting on the same chair since morning, alternating between the computer screen, coloured papers and trunk loads of precious material from my craft bag. And of course getting up every now and then for water, glue, cello tape, other things from my room and the other necessities. BUT, I have spent my entire day torturing this good 'ol faithful chair. ):

Goodnight & goodbye for now! :D

It's good to be productive.

Cloth.

(:

Break.

Sometimes disappointment gives you the best surprises when you least expect it. Because every time an idea/plan pops up, you strive to do it well and to give it your all. I remember reading in David's book where he wrote that our intention to give it our all is the one variable that we can control. And I definitely undeniably without a doubt agree with him. Really, I can only give it my all but in every situation, no matter how hard you try or how much you sacrifice, there will be external factors. You just have to pray and hope that for every effort you put in, it will be worth it at the end of the day. And if other people aren't willing to lend a helping hand, forget it. There will still be a handful of them ever ready to lend theirs. And for that handful of them, I am truly grateful.

"The moment we focus on only part of our existence, we lose the big picture."
You know your intentions, you know what you want to do and you will be heading in that direction with or without some help.

Snooze.

There is this metaphorical siren in my head that goes off every now and then and every time it urges me to blog about what's been going on in my little protected bubble, I hit the snooze button. And when it rings again, I opt for the snooze button again instead of giving in to the strong urge to blog. Maybe I'm just lazy or maybe I'm not very keen in the idea of jotting down every little thought on a public page because there's always my journal waiting for me to fill it's empty pages. (:

BUT, I have come to realise that blogging is the best possible way to keep my friends and family who are far far away (cue for Shrek's theme song) updated and since they have been doing a fantastic job updating me on their life, I figured I shouldn't be so selfish and that I should in return, to do the least, do the same thing for them.

I had initially thought Facebook would suffice but it proved me wrong when my cousin sister deactivated her account. :P And then of course, there is Twitter where I have an account but it is no longer in use. And that leaves me with this blog.

I think it's already a little too long for my "return post" so I'm going to stop here but I'll be back. Just going off to run some errands. (:

Have a blessed day!

Honey;

so we made pancakes, lemonade and sausages.

Hey.

Dear library buddy,

I made pancakes today; all by myself. (:

Would you like some?

Dream.

sejak sembilan.

Rain.

"Current City: ________, United Kingdom."

): ): ): ): ):

Sprouting seeds.

In the past 23 days, I have;

written letters to myself for future reading, met up with college friends for lunch, made a birthday card, received a card, went out shopping with my sister, went for a movie with church friends, painted a bag, taught in Sunday School, fed the Sunday School kids with chocolate, chocolate biscuits and more chocolate, registered for a test, paid my high school a short visit, downloaded songs, personalized my own note book, updated my iPOD play list, wrapped presents, bought presents, received presents, printed lots of forms, bought some books, stocked up on stationery, packed and unpacked, attended a cousin's wedding, attended a friend's wedding, visited my maternal grandma, bought uniquely shaped buttons, made new friends, visited my paternal grandparent's orchard, wrapped quite a number of books, cleaned my room, reorganized my books, threw out junk, went for paintball, ate lots of eggs that I probably should stop eating for a while and turned nineteen. (:

Have a blessed day!

Timbaktoo.

There is an interestingly annoying person who makes dull days like these more interesting.

Blew.

nineteenth.

Magical.

"There’s something ’bout love
That breaks your heart
Whoa oh oh oh
It sets you free

There’s something ’bout love
That tears you up
Whoa oh oh oh
You still believe"

The song has been on repeat. (:

Look.

I wish the power of bilocation can be acquired.

Then, a second me can be a passive observer of the first me.

Pickles.

Dear blog/me,

I don't know why but I don't seem comfortable with the layout of this blog. Or maybe I do know why. It's maybe, perhaps; I'm just guessing, because I'm too fickle minded and particular about these kind of things. =/ Oh well. Life has to go on and this blog ain't gonna come alive one day. Better be more caring, loving and pay more attention to those that are alive and to those that God has placed in my life.

It's the ninth month of the year already! Another 3 over months till Christmas! (:
Should cut down on the time spent day dreaming/scribbling/doing things unworthy of my precious time and start preparing for the next phase.

This feels unusual as I haven't been blogging in more that 2 lines lately. Wonder where my "like-to-post-lengthy-detailed-and-sometimes-poetic-blog-posts" side went to. :D

Just for the record, today is the day I FINALLY AKHIRNYA got to Skype with my cousin sister after 8562034718 attempts. Phew! Thank God the wait is over.

Good night! (:

hubba bubba.

of happy times, family dinners & failed jumps ; I miss it all. (:

Evening.

Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes. Sweet Potatoes.

(:

trinkets.

I am God's workmanship. (Ephesians 2:10)

Colours.

this picture matches the new background.

No reason for this picture actually, I'm just feeling happy! (: (:

Habit.

I always have this kind of 'rush' like sugar rush where I'm eager to type/write or simply just doing something to this blog.

Must be the fingers. Itchy fingers.

Reflection.

and because everyone deserves to be happy. (:

p.s. okay, not exactly as colourful as I thought it would be, but it is definitely more cheerful than the second last post. What say you, anonymous 4? :D

Apple.

Comfort hug. (:

Stop.

Why are you still harping about the past?

It is the past and there really is no use in bringing it up again. Not like mentioning it again will heal anything, but it will definitely; in one way or another, worsen some situations. There will not be anymore sympathy, regrets and guilt. No more.

Breathe.

When life gets tiring and challenging,
STOP.
Sit down, kneel down; and pray.

"God will make a way, when there seems to be no way."

Clue.

the antonym of calm.

Say.

It's the last and final battle at this stage of my life.

I'm going to go all out and give it my very best. Kick aside the limitations that I have set for myself for nothing is impossible with God and the only limitations that I will ever have are the ones that I have put upon myself.

I believe, therefore I will.

Make yourself proud, elisa! xx

Attachment.

At least I still have some time to say goodbye to college until exams are done and over with. ):

College and more importantly, the people in it will definitely be missed!

wake up call.

It hurts.

Sometimes, it's unbearable.
Sometimes, the pain is expressed by screaming or doing whatsoever that is appropriate to do.
But there are times when the pain is no longer a feeling.
And there are also times when I'll just keep quiet and take in all the pain, hoping that the pain will miraculously go away.

It HURTS.

water tumbler.

Something made me happy today.

April 27th, you will be remembered.

(: (: (: (:

at the eleventh hour...

...because I wanted to wish you at the eleventh hour. Metaphorically, not literally. Because if you would look at the time now, it is definitely earlier than 11 o'clock. :D Hence, you receiving my message earlier because I wanted to make sure you read this right after you have read the message.

(I'm 50% sure you would have seen my "Please come back later. Sorry." message. XD That's because I got disconnected and all that I've previously typed vanished into the air of the world wide web. Also, sorry for the "Wait! Don't go there first." message. =D)

I had initially wanted to post a picture of you here, but blogger just wouldn't allow me too, even after several attempts of trying to upload your photo here. ): It's okay, maybe that photo is way too special to be shared with the entire virtual and real world. :)

But anyhow, I would still like to say this to you;

YOU ARE NOW 364 DAYS AWAY FROM BEING TWENTY!

;)

Because a simple, oftenly used "Happy Birthday!" would not suffice for someone like you. :P

Thank you for the memories, laughter and tears that you've given and shared with me. I definitely enjoyed the morning walks and all the conversations, activities and time that we have had done and spent with the group. Though sometimes our conversations tend to be a little mindless and random, they never fail to amuse me and there is undoubtedly something amidst all of it that is worth being remembered and treasured. (: (:

But above all, you've been a great friend, buddy, classmate and fellow prefect.

May you always be happy, be random, be special in your own way and finally be someone you want to be.

Blessed nineteenth birthday, Ashman!

dissolved.

It looks like an orange sweet, smells like an orange sweet and taste like an orange sweet.

But only for the first few seconds after it is being popped into the mouth. Slowly, the sweet outer layer wears off and the bitter truth is out. Literally bitter.

Waiting for it to dissolve in water now. (:

sticky notes.

There's this patch of skin that is three tones darker and redder than the rest of the skin.
It looks like a blue-black, but it doesn't hurt as much as a blue-black.
Maybe it's a burst blood vessel? Because I can see tiny red dots.


Don't worry, be happy! (:
That's what my t-shirt says.

Then again, I cannot not worry about the reddish blue black;
or can I?

and breathe out.

(phew!) to the power of 11011680809.
'cause no blood test is needed at the moment.

Pheeeeeeeew!


I miss you. Going to find that little precious item now. (:

standstill.

Hold back your tears. Let them out only when you're alone.

blessings.

In life, God doesn't give you the people you want, instead He gives you the people you need.
To teach you,
To hurt you,
To love you,
and to make you exactly the way you should be; according to His will.

And to walk alongside you.

twinkle.

what do you do when you don't know what to do?

the unseen seat.

The train arrived, the doors opened.
I stepped in.

I made my way to the corner and stared out of the window; not noticing the still and frail being that stood in the middle of the walkway, holding tightly to the cold metal bar for support with a stick in one hand. I saw the empty seats, but ignored them.

Soon after, I heard a voice asking "Do you want to seat?" followed by another voice "I don't mind, thank you". I turned around only to notice that the still being was a disabled as he had eyes with no vision.

I thank God for being able to see and for being able to notice the empty seats and for having the option on whether or not I would like to occupy them. But the disabled would have no choice but to stand all the way through their journey if there were no one kind enough to help them find a seat.

promise.

there's a bridge of silence that we both build just for us both when we see each other.
but we know that we'll always be there for each other.



"January 10th 2010"

fresh waffles.

Yeay!

I'm done with my work for the day.

Satisfied and happy! (:

blabber.

I hit the power button on the laptop with just one thing in mind: to get my work done. But I've been wandering around- facebook, blog, blog, more blogs, more facebook pages, pictures, more pictures and now this. :)

How awesome.

Okay, off to get.my.work.done.
Hopefully I don't detour again.

By the way, google has a really nice logo today and it says 'Pi day'. Reminds me of how much I don't really adore math. And definitely Pi. 3.142857...

-

But it will never let me go.

You know what hurts?

The fact that YOU can't see yourself pushing yourself forward in doing better, in achieving more, in performing excellently eventhough you have to. You NEED to. You know your limits, but then again you lie to yourself and believe that you can do better in something that you are totally not meant to do, but maybe now is not the time. Stop being your old self. You need to change, you need to stop thinking about other people's opinion and you definitely need to stop going with the flow and trying to make yourself believe that if other people can do it, you can too. Because you know yourself, and if you can't do it, don't force yourself to. Some things are just not meant for you. Believe in yourself, believe in what God has in store for you, believe that you are special and that there are other things that are waiting for you to achieve. Stop pretending to be someone that you are not. It's time to be yourself and it's definitely time to think for yourself. Because if you don't, who would?

Stop hiding from the truth, stop running away from your failures.

Face it, deal with it and make use of it in achieving success. You have a long way to go and you're too young to give up. Look around you, everyone can be your teachers in one way or another. But it all depends on you.

Do what is wise, do what you need to do; because this time, you can't follow your heart anymore.
Think smart and remember, cast all your worries onto God.

What's important is what you think of yourself and what God has blessed you with. Be thankful with everything you have and be grateful that you are given a last chance.

evening blues.

I'm hoping that all the swimming will get me focus on one thing - Coursework. Okay, make that two. Count Philip Arthur Larkin in too.
All these after feeling of pins and needles isn't good. I should go google it up. Maybe I'm lacking something. Should have told the doctor about it.

Off to getting my mind focus! :)

sailing by.

always here.

letter.

but the answer to every question is the same.
except that I didn't dare to tell anyone.



"who knows how to make you smile?"

this is not boredom.

The author of this blog needs someone to talk to while she waits for the seconds to pass by, while she repeatedly clicks the refresh button on the tab of her email page, while she anxiously awaits the number of emails in her email account to magically increase by 1 before the stroke of mid day.

This author has already refreshed her email more than 10 times and is wondering whether the expected mail has lost its way in cyberspace.

15 times and the magic hasn't worked yet. Maybe she should hope for a miracle.
20 minutes remaining and not a single sight of that mail.

She thinks she should just click the 'publish post' button and make her way to ---
We'll see. Well, technically, she'll see.

hey!

Awesome.

Now I just have to wait.

I have no choice but to...

Really, dear weather, please be nice. Or do you think being extra nice is a little too much to ask for? (: Please oh please.

My workplace now looks like an artist's workplace when he/she is being inspired to paint continuously. Journals, pencil case, pencils, pens, draft sheets, clear sheets, word search puzzles, tissue box ... and a running nose involved.

I don't know what to write anymore. Maybe after I'm done with my work for the night. :D

searching.

for I am in need of my best buddies.
and especially my library buddy.

Really. Where have you been?

-

I can't help but to wonder, is there someone out there who thinks the same way as I do? Do we wonder about on the same thought? Do we feel the urge to find out the thoughts of the other? Do we want to know what we're all thinking yet we're afraid to ask? Is it simply curiosity or is it being caring?

Just wondering, really. :D

But maybe, just maybe, I know who this is referring to.

wonder.

Be you; be the one that I can trust.

waves.

I dreamt of university.
I dreamt of the beach.
Last night, I dreamt that I went to a university by the beach.

A dream come true.

on the cinema steps.

I've written a short something for a certain friend but I'm just a little too lazy to go into my room, open the drawer and retrieve my journal. I guess I'll just have to save that for another time.

Second week of college JUST after exams and we are asked to sign up for our finals. ): I've been avoiding it like the plague these few days but I guess when the week-long new year holidays are coming to an end, I've got to trash all the thoughts of the worst case scenario's of my recent exam results out of my mind and do the next right thing - sign up for finals and resits, just in case.

But, fortunately and unexpectedly, this week of college has been great! Lecturers' let us out of class earlier than expected, close to zero of homework has been given, except maybe for Lit, where the workload is never ending as long as April 19 hasn't gone by yet and a cancellation of class yesterday!

So, being the impromptu adventurers that we are, the three of us decided to catch a movie. Jan went off with her mum whilst JY and I took 2 buses to the mall. Bought the tickets, had a really fast lunch and thankfully, made it on time for the movie. Just that the tickets we bought were for the first row seats. First row, I'm not coming back to you anymore! ): ): So the movie began and after the first 10 minutes, we all fell sick. Headache, blurry eyes and a desire to vomit. And so, we went all the way to the back of the theater and sat on the steps. (: (:

Honestly, I never knew I'd had the guts to do so. But, what's life without a little bit of fun and craziness?

Ohh, the broadcaster just wished "Good Morning!" :) Good Morning all!

realization.

It's my turn to miss you now. Shall we have a day out together? (:

skipped.

"sentimentality- the quality or state of being sentimental or excessively sentimental."

I remember I had something to say.

blank visions.

I is extremely exhausted. It's only 10.20 pm and I'm already trying to stay awake to finish up my work. I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm TRYING. ): But to no avail. I'm just trying to do my homework and trying to do some poem searching online but my mind is blank. 14 tabs are open but I don't exactly know what are on the pages except maybe for this tab and the one for facebook.

What am I doing then? Maybe I should just close the window and shut the computer down. (:

Unfortunately fortunately, I don't take caffeine to stay awake. Does that make any sense? Unfortunately fortunately? Fortunately unfortunately? Oh well.

silver lining.

well in fact, it is more than just a silver lining;
it's a blessing.

Yesterday's dinner: awesome!
Plus, I really really enjoyed all the hokkien conversations. (:

listen...

... to the sound of the thunder. But, today was a good day! (:

Woke up slightly earlier than I wanted to and did some touching up and final additions to the painting on the t-shirt. I'm happy with the end results & I hope it'll be able to make someone's day as well. (: (: Went off to meet the college mates and had a great time together. We shopped and walked and shopped and shopped and walked and ate and shopped and shopped and shopped. It feels so good to be over and done with exams! At least we don't feel the guilt right? ;D

I miss my green family & my second family.
Hopefully I get to see you guys soon! :)
Green family, tomorrow!

you got it right there.

I'm trying to reach out yet I'm holding it back.

and there are stories to tell.

I've got tales to share and I've got a long list of things that has to be done over the course of my 5 days break. It's after exams and I'm glad it's all over!

But what's best is that I went back to my high school this morning. (:

Thank God for the much needed 5 days break. 'Cause I'm looking forward to spending it wisely, hopefully.

It's been a long while.