the heart that has been stepped on

you.
have stepped on my heart many times.
leaving many bruises and wounds.
you have also gave me much happiness. happiness that couldn't last long. but i tried really hard to make them last. we shared much happy moments together though you do not know how i feel. you might have even forgotten the times we spent together. after a long time, I've thought of giving up.but there's a little part of my heart who wants me to persevere on. and so,I'm always encourage by this little part of me. i thought maybe you would realize it one day.but now i have strong doubts about it. you know,I'm trying so hard to hide everything but people say it's too obvious and it's too late for me to hide. but seems like the only blur person on earth is you. maybe you do know something and you are trying to avoid me. how could you do this to me? I'm not a robot,I'm also a human and i have feelings too. i know i am confusing you but i am also confused by you. very confused.

did you know that I've even gotten your birthday present and Christmas present way before your birthday and Christmas? but,I'm just too afraid to give you.afraid to get the cold shoulder and ignorance,afraid to get hurt. so,your presents are still with me hidden in my so called 'secret place'. maybe i should just donate them to some unfortunate kids.

you know,i really really wanna always be there for you and be part of your life. i tried but you ignored me. it hurts a lot. why do you have to do this to me? am i that ugly and stupid and unwelcome and not nice? what hurt me the most is... both me and her(some other girl who maybe likes you too) did the same thing for you,and you gave me the cold shoulder but treat her warmly. how do you think i felt? sad and broken hearted. but can i tell you? no,i can't.
you would probably ignore me and think I'm crazy or whatever.
seriously,i want to give up so hard.

over a thousand days, day in day out. i only can see you from a distance but not go and talk to you. every time i talk to you,i would have to initiate the conversation. not you. and when she's there,you talk to her. but you keep giving me the hint that there's still hope for me. if you really want me out of your life,stop giving me hope. let the heart break and continue moving on. remember i said i wanted to tell you something? but i didn't. then u asked,and i still didn't dare confess everything. sometimes i regret not doing it and sometimes i don't regret. maybe we're better off like that. not too close and not too far. but,we're definitely drawing apart.