between the alleys.

the following sentences that I'm going to string and pen them down here are of random thoughts.

you know they say, life is short so enjoy it to the max. that, is partially true to me. I mean in life, there's always the ups and the downs, it's like a roller-coaster ride. so, there's bound to be the happy times and the sad times. no one can escape the sad side of life. BUT, there's always an option. and that option is in your hands. you can choose whether to remain in the dull, depressing valley or you can choose to climb the free, happy and bright mountains. although it will take a lot of effort and hard work to climb from the valleys to the mountains, there's no harm in trying, or is there? perhaps there would be a scar or two, a wound here and there; but in the end it's all worth the effort of trying. but, those who sits on their throne of happiness all day long might never taste the bitterness of the back alleys. then again, who has never gone through the sad side of life? so, no matter how you're feeling; just make the best out of it. If you're feeling down, find happiness in the little, most pleasant things in life. and if you're feeling happy and all loved, spread the happiness and the love & don't let the down side bring you down.

It only takes a spark to ignite a flame. I think this works for both cases. when one's down and then someone comes along and adds salt or lemon to the wound [because lemon is painful too], it hurts even more. similarly, when someone's on cloud nine or happy and then someone or something comes up and adds honey to it even if it's just a drop, that someone in particular would be happier. I don't know if this applies to you, but it sure is true to me.

and then there's that saying 'life is the art of drawing without an eraser.' this is so true in the sense that it explains it all. everything that happened, happened. whether it is for a reason, I do not know. but, at times I still do reminisce about the past, whether it is good or bad, happy or sad. But, I need to say something here.

I know at times hurtful words weren't said on purpose. Notice I used 'at times' ? because some people are just so mean that they don't learn from their mistakes and go on hurting the people around them even before the previous wound have not recover fully. All you need to do is apologise. And perhaps before you say something, will you let that sentence run through your mind a second time? Maybe just maybe the filter system in your mind weren't activated the first time. Sorry for the illustrations used. Anyway, yes. Please think twice before you blurb out a sentence. because you never know what impact or effect it might leave to the people around you. Maybe it seems alright to you, but there's always someone more fragile than you are, someone weaker than you think they are, or maybe someone just waiting for you to break the final straw before they turn their backs against you. that wouldn't be nice, or would it? Perhaps you had fun in the first place hurting them, ignoring them or even playfully getting upset with them. But have you not forget that we are all humans and that we too have emotions which in turns gives us every right to feel and do the same thing you did to us? I'll leave it to you to ponder upon, hopefully you'll be more careful the next time.

p.s. part of this is written based on what i've learned this past month, as someone by the sidelines.

from the sidelines.

sometimes I just wish I could sit by the side bench and watch myself, as if I'm starring in my own life movie and then once a while comment or criticize the movie.

but that won't be happening anytime soon or rather it won't happen at all.

so, the closest I could do is to sit by the sidelines and let the world go by in motion while I remain still and calm, figuring out my next step.

will you, be a part of it?

you never know..

so it's the holidays! happy raya to all & to all a happy holiday! (:

which isn't much of a holiday to me since I gotta continue burying my head in the books. ):

anyway, let's just be happy today. the last few days was pretty exciting & fun. Saturday night was the birthday dinner with the other two cousin's which was good and the 'co-incidents' happening among the three of us. Sunday was great, too. went to church with the neighbour downstairs (kamu tahu kamu siapa kan? haha xD). wait, i forgot what happened after that. I only remember having worship, service then youth. before youth started, they were talking about eating steamboat and blablabla. after youth, left for the mall to meet up with my cousin & her friends. watched mamma mia! & the songs stuck in my head. the show was good, the company was amazing too! *mmm..my dad's cooking something & it smells good*

back to the show, the island was like my dream place; so serene, so breath-taking, so amazing! except that my dream place gotta have a few more criteria's. (; after the movie, we went to the bookstore since all 5 of us excluding the sister fancies reading. and as jian has said, it felt weird actually knowing every single person in the young adults aisle browsing through books. we left the store an hour or so later, each with books including the sister with her origami book. then, 2 went to craft haven, another 2 went to another bookstore while the remaining two had their super late lunch outside craft haven. met up with the parents & had dinner. came home and the rest is history. that, was my sunday; with the family and the cousin sister's friends. her friend's are friendly. :)

and then yesterday. what did i do again? ahh yes, came online, did random things, wrap my new books, watch tv, read archie's, read my new books, talk to someone. wait, did i mention studying? i think i didn't. ohh great, I haven't touch my books yet; got to start today then. someone's so lucky to get to go to the islands.I wonder who. =) make sure you send me a postcard. kidding! and then there's another someone who got to go overseas. now, who's that? xD i hope you both had fun and or is having fun!

so there's 'dinner' with the youth this Friday. It'll be fun, I'm sure.

with purple bells & white roses.

absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I'm starting to miss you...

... a lot. (:

surprisingly amazing..

surprisingly amazing that not only the three of us are september babies;

we also co-incidentally did the same thing for each other.
it's like a love triangle,
but it's a cousinly love circle where we love each other
and there isn't a third party.

ohh, my examples are weird!

what happened was, the cousin brother's birthday dinner was tonight. and three hours before the dinner was scheduled, me and my sis rushed out with my mum to get him a present. well, a present for the cousin sister who turned 17 yesterday too. I actually had planned what to get for her birthday eons ago, but she somehow went and got herself that similar thing. With no idea what to get for her, i was chatting with her online & she told me one of the book she've been waiting for has just been released. That was when a bulb flashed above my head. drafted the book title in my phone and off we went to this gift shop which is really cool. anyway, couldn't find a single suitable thing for her and for him. because- ; i rather not mention the reason here. and then, within 5 minutes, we decided to turn to the mall & ran towards her dwelling place-the bookstore. got there, asked the lady for the book she wanted but it wasn't in store yet. so, went on a search for books that suits her. & thankfully, we did. got the cousin brother a present too from the same place & another christian outlet. Anyway, dinner was awesome! with 2 very different cakes, laughter, yummy food & loved ones.

the best part was;
during dinner. we then found out that all three of us got each other birthday presents from the same place on the same day-today- & almost at the same time. and that i assure you, isn't co-incidents!
and then the cousin sister was actually going to get me this book but didn't in the end because it wasn't in store at the bookshop she went to. BUT i got her that book instead! I even called her to ask her whether she knew the book, trying to pretend that i was getting it for myself. and she on the other hand, was trying to hide the fact that she knew it and was trying to get it for me. co-incidents, you say?

I say it runs in the family.

that boy. yes,that boy.

to : the only cousin brother who have been tagging along with us.

that boy who was once a tiny toddler,
who then became a playful yet quite little boy.
that boy who was once a growing kid,
but now a gentle young man.

Happy 15th Birthday, Ivan! (:

Now you're a grown up boy, a young man; not a little kid anymore. With issues like BIG love, friends and usual teenagers dilemma pouring in one by one, I hope you'll be strong in every step you take and every challenge you face. Always remember that your elder cousin sisters like me and Justine will always be by your side, you can always come look for us; right Justine?

& you'll always be that little cousin brother to us or rather just to me alone. =)

一岁的你，吃饱就睡呼噜噜。
两岁的你，只懂得吃糖果。
三岁的你，不认得我这个表姐。
四岁的你，每天只会看卡通片。
五岁的你，越来越可爱哦！
六岁的你，会开始跟我们玩了。
七岁的你，开始上一年级了。
八岁的你，高兴活泼。
九岁的你，可顽皮哦！
十岁的你，会作弄朋友了！
十一岁的你，跟我们有说有笑的。
十二岁的你，从小学毕业了！
十三岁的你，成熟了！
十四岁的你，每次都跟随我们逛街，看书，买衣，拍照留念。
今天你十五岁了！大概什么会发生呢？我们等这瞧吧，好吗?

lots of cousinly love,
elisa. (:
长大了，可别忘了我！

make me tear;

sorry; though it might not mean much to you.
But I really need to apologise for what I said.

you ask what happened to me? I told you why.
I know sometimes the truth hurts, but I for one knows what you said isn't the truth.

you're saying something that you don't mean.
And why would I know that?
Because I'm that girl.

yes, I'm that girl who have and will -

I'm not going to complete that sentence, it's for you to fill in the spaces and mark the full stop.
will you do it for me?

love, elisa.

as we break the silence;

as we break the silence and create sound waves together,
whether it is entertaining or irritating;
as we grow up together,
having fun or going through life's lowest point;
i dare say we've never grew apart and we never will.

from being born 18 days later than yours truly, to feeding on the same source of milk, to staring at each other innocently while most probably thinking 'who is she? why does she like to look at me?' even when as babies and we couldn't recognise each other, to going on family vacations together, to playing around with whatever we could find and nibble on together, to hanging out with our grandfather together, to fighting for chips with each other, to taking bath together, to sleeping together, to sharing the same kind of baby bolster that I believe we still have it now, to leaving long hair together, to collecting shells from the beach, to committing innocent crimes together and to having English grammar spelling test once in a while together by our mothers. Those were 10 years ago.

Now 10 years later and less,
we've had lots more being shared.
still, from playing around to laughing our heads off, to doing random things, to spending the night away staying up late just to update each other on our lives, to book shopping, to reading each others blog everyday, to calling each other, to comparing school work, to buying the similar outfits every now and then, to co-incidently getting the similar pair of shoes, to snapping photos when no one's around, to people watching, to going to colleges for further enquiries, to going for college interview on the same day, to complaining how tough add maths paper was, to digging each other's stuff and finding the other's 'treasure', to going crazy over something, to sitting next to each other at every family dinner, to making noise, to watching out for each other, to writing about each other, to planning the same outfit for family events, to planning on studying together, to fantasizing our future together, to being there for each other, to enjoying plane rides together, to still falling asleep in each other's company when we're too exhausted to stay up, to remembering each other's bizzare childhood dreams (more like me alone), to comforting each other when in need, to assuring each other that we'll be fine and God will take care of the rest when in trouble, to determining our ambitions together, to randomly taking each other's picture, to teasing each other, to bore each other with stuff like introducing more books than I can ever contain *ehem ehem*, to sharing secrets, to making our parents get upset at us, to attending fashion shows together, to sharing one cup of starbucks together, to sharing the similar hairstyle, to staying up past 12 just to wish each other a very happy birthday, to -

as you can see, the list is never ending. I could go on and on but you would've probably fallen asleep by then. (:

but,
for the finale;
it is to getting you into a skirt and dress. looks like i've succeded in getting you into a skirt. (:

I dare say I've enjoyed it all and can't wait for more to come.

Happy 17th Birthday, Justine!

From being a young 16 year old girl,
to a fine, sophisticated 17 year old young lady;
from everything we've shared together,
to everything we're about to go through together;
all I have for you is,
I love you dear cousin! (:
(this didn't require a chocking hazard xD)

You've certainly been a very good friend, loved one, closest cousin, my counsellor, my best friend and so much more you've been throughout the years. As well as being my childhood playmate. I hope we'll always be this close although we might be parting ways and leaving our very own lives. But, i'll be a call away. And perhaps fly over to the States for a visit. If you ever suceed in being a geologists, and me as a chef; as promise, I'll invent a special easy-to-cook receipe for you alone so you can prepare it on your research trips. And if i get into being what I aspire to be, I'll tag along with you and you with me for road trips, shall we?

I hope you've had a very awesome 17th birthday! God bless you always and forever.

Now to count the minutes to tomorrow, where we'll meet up and celebrate another closest cousin's birthday together!

Yes, co-incidently or rather surprisingly amazing, we're all September babies.

empty all over again;

I wanted to say something.

but, I forgot what.

it's empty all over again,
if only it could be full AGAIN.

that day;

under the sun, on green pastures;

that's where i long to be.

into deep thoughts.

yesterday was pretty okay i guess. went for an interview with the partner in crime, but I wanted to be in school so badly. do you know why? (:

physics paper tomorrow and I'm not done studying yet. I'm not a science geek, in case you didn't know that.

back to yesterday. went for the SASA interview in the morning. someone was so sweet to send me a message before we both left for our different destinations-one to school & another to the interview. reached there, saw ashman and started talking away because we knew no one except each other. then, people started coming and eventually the place was filled with students with different types of school uniforms. and and i saw quite a number of my ex-school mates, ex-puay chai-ians. Don't know if they recognised me. waited, registered, made friends, talked, walked, stared into space,waited,waited and waited; that's what i did. Ash went in first and I was only called at 11.25. Mine was pretty fast, i guess.

I just hope for the best. But if I don't get it, I believe that God has His better plans for me. like *ehem* not telling you. but it's something I wish for.
Well, shoot for the moon. And even if you fall, you'll fall among the stars.

and the cousin had her own interview too yesterday except that her's was at a different place.
ohh, all the best of the best to the both of us. make it three, including ashman. xD

my last night was not bad too. had balinese food with the family. I love the set up! but, had stomach ache throughout the day even before leaving home for the interview. So, eating spicy sour-ish food for dinner and plate full of spicy stuff for lunch is like adding salt onto the wound. nevertheless, I enjoyed! I'm not torturing myself.

And before I forget, joel c. gave me a very sweet birthday present on friday!
& even asked me to reunite the one he gave with the blue one i have. ;)

I had a very nice dream last night. It'll come true, hopefully.

okay,back to physics.
where was i again? oh yes, sound waves.

bottle full of worries.

worries, I don't like you.
you make me unhappy,
you make me worried.
you will never be my friend.
yet, you make me think about you day and night.

you're right after all.

alone seems to be the only word that explains it all.

you set me right.

teardrops.

I let the tears roll down.
I let myself cry out loud.
I allowed myself to fall into you.

thank you for being there.

it wasn't meant to be a knot.

I have this tendency of bottling up mixed emotions. I know when I'm happy, I let loose of myself in dancing around and making the world around me a better, happier place. or I just let go of my soul and let it move freely as it wish. And when I'm feeling down, everybody notices it.

Today while trying to fall asleep in the afternoon after a very not-relieving-and-saddening,depressing-tough-don't know what else to say-but-also-very-very-very-unexpected-and-hard-killer biology paper that gives me no hope and only made me dissapointed in myself, a pang of worries hit me left right, up down and inside out. I also received a call about the thing that was about to happen on Saturday which I'm dreading to go but I know I should. So much was on my mind and I couldn't put them aside to get a good rest after stuffing myself with biology facts. Even my usual method of clearing my mind didn't work. And so I sat up and thought about the worries I had, which was when I realise I needed to let it all out because it was unbearable and too much to contain within me. Now, I'm glad I did share it with someone.

Bottling up mixed emotions; this happens always. Even if I'm not feeling alright, I'll try my very best to hide it all. But i guess it's an useless effort because the depressing and sad side always manage to find it's way out, slipping right through my facial expression. I prefer to reassure the people around me that I'm alright. Unless it's a really heavy burden, I'll blurb out a word or two to very close friends and family only which I don't think they will be able get the clear picture with me mumbling away on sentences that don't fit right in place.

But there's always a hero in one's life. And I'm sure mine's been found.

Dear you,

you know better than anyone else that even little discrete matters or happenings can push me into deep thoughts. And once I fall into it, it is close to impossible for me to rescue myself out of it. So, you got to be there to set me straight. Well, you have always been there. (: I need you to always save me out of the hole that I dig for myself.

=) 5 _ _ _ _ _ _!

because you're that someone.

(:
I'm glad everything's getting better.
especially after something yesterday, right?
I definitely enjoyed every moment of it & was sad to have to be separated. ):

bio paper tomorrow then chem paper on friday!
I am so not ready.

had group study with some two boys yesterday.
had fun, I'm sure. (;
was bullied, VERY VERY SURE. AFFIRMATIVE.
with the 'birth control pills' and ......

**
before i forget and if you ever get a chance to read this,

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY
MATTHEW TAN JYH-ZAO!
(is that how you spell your name again? xD)

God bless always & I hope you're loving every moment in the land down under.
definitely miss you and the younger times we had.(:

those three words.

I know you didn't mean to,
it was just me being oversensitive.
I know you apologize,
but I burst up on you.
I guess I overreacted.
I wish I could turn back time and accept your apology.

you were right,
it was jealousy.
now I regret, I deeply truly know that I should not feel that way because of the reassurance I have.

I'm counting the minutes till we'll be alright.
because I can't bear going by another second knowing that we're not fine.

I hope you liked those little sincere words which comes right from the heart.

p.s thosethreewords.

please bring me along.

I can't go by another second without thinking about the mess I made this afternoon.

I'm sorry.):

I hope we'll be better tonight.

so move along.

yesterday.

three people,
one place,
one goal;
uncountable situations.

one made me roll on the floor laughing, one made me want to burst because i was so full and another made me try to focus on studying.

the one who made me roll on the floor laughing is stupid but speaks bm so cutely.
ohh, he has a similar t-shirt to mine. ;)

we were supposed to be studying bio but ended up bursting into laughter and making stupid jokes.

steps to departure.

after reading through a friend's blog, i realise that

we really need a breakthrough!

you may say that I'm not in a position to say this, but as someone who have been through a lot with you guys, i think it's really time to move on. No use living in a stagnant situation where the situation isn't going any better. And i think we've had enough hurtful situations, if you get the picture. Some of you may not seem to care. But, forget about the past; we should start caring about everything that has to do about us.Don't just be selfish and think for yourself.

I still think that some of YOU are not on the right track, thinking that everything is alright when you people are the one who caused this to happen. But you know what? We need to be realistic and face reality. Not cause troubles and return to living in your dreams, living in denial; denying the truth. and what hurts most is, denying my existence. Only if i could type out in detailed everything, what happened, who you are, what you did and the list goes on. but, as far as i hate to admit, I'm just lazy to squeeze out every remaining energy I have to think about you. Mind you, this time I'm really angry and sad.That's why I try to hide in my shadows at times.

It's sad to know that we have became what we are today. What happened to all the fun together? The care, the joy, the fellowships and the close relationships? I know that I've been away for quite some time now, and I needed that break for a while after being "kicked", "shot" and badly injured by several incidents. Nevertheless, I still need to unwind. It's sad, isn't it?

Now, I no longer have that confidence I used to have years ago. Again and again, i gathered up my confidence and courage to carry on. but again and again, I guess I wasn't good enough for you that you had to break the "on fire spirit" that I had. Then again, why am I holding back from moving on?

elisa, pack your bags. you'll need them anytime soon.

I assure you;

I assure you that I'm going insane.

one day,
two people.
two incidents.

one made me rise to cloud nine, another made me feel like banging myself into the wall. If only i could spurt everything out, things would be better.

ohh well, the one that made me rise to cloud nine is all i need.

lost hope, lost again.

You took your advantage, an advantage which you created for yourself.

I never knew you were like that. As the Malay saying goes, "di luar bagai madu, di dalam bagai hempedu". I have always thought of you as a friend that I can laugh and share jokes with, but you crossed the boundaries. Not once, not twice but umpteenth times.Friends are meant to love, to care and to share; not to take advantage of. You started off doing something which I forgave you. Then you did another something which it made me felt really sad. I told that someone and he got all furious. Things started to settle down and I clearly remember telling you off in your face. Just that maybe you thought I was playing around. Then, you did your act again. This time, it scared the crap out of me, seriously. He was there with me, he saw and told me that he wanted to do something to you, but he did not. I guess you understood our facial expression as you instantly let go of me. Then again, I don't think you understood. because you came back days later and did something worst to me. This time, I couldn't take it anymore but I just didn't have the guts to do what he wanted me to. I ran away & searched for that shoulder to lean on. I'm very sure and I remembered that someone being angry and of course, it made me felt bad. I thought, why are all these happening and why am I bringing such pain to a loved one? But, I was assured and I know I will always have that little angel right by my side. Everything cooled down and we forgot entirely about what you did to me. And then today, you went way beyond our imaginations. You did something so bad that I don't think I can forget. I know I kind of pushed you away but again, you thought I was playing. and then again, you caused us all pain & sadness.

I have said this too many times,
Why are you doing this to me?

It started off with just a simple message of you asking me to be ________. I rejected, that's all. And you clearly deeply know and understand why I rejected your request.

I should have just did what I was told to. and I don't want to hurt someone so special to me again.
it is so bad and unacceptable that one of my kawan baik even offered to beat you up.and that someone have been very upset about it.
I am tired and exhausted with all your acts and your traits.

Please just let me go.
what you're doing now will not make me accept your request or give you whatever you wish for, it will only make me dislike you and I hate doing that.

because this is us.

you give me endless surprise.

you make me feel like dancing.
you make me all happy.

let's slow dance, shall we?

to the rythm of our heartbeat.

today, you surprised me!

it isn't nice to force yourself into studying a subject which is not among your favourite on the night of your birthday. well, that was what i had to do, study history last night and get the facts into my head. i memorized, and memorized & memorized. no, i don't understand history. but I've to admit,certain parts do interest me. (:

but on a positive note, I was accompanied by messages that made me stay awake and burst into laughter once every now and then while memorizing those facts that i do not seem to understand.
you would have thought i went hysterical if you were sitting next to me.

and my family sort of surprised me. they went out & got me a cake while i was breaking my nerves,veins, muscles & everything else that can be exaggerated when studying history in my room. i become anti-social when i have to get facts into my head. my sister then came into the room and asked me to go out. my reply will make your jaw hang for a good two minutes and or make you laughed non-stop or you would probably react like how the kawan baik did, stare at me and question me. but but, I'm not telling you what my reply was. some sister of mine closed my eyes & i was guided into the living room or actually the dining table. when i opened my eyes, sitting in front of me was a birthday cake and the lights were all out. ;) thank you to the family!

and then today,woke up early to study more history. went to school and the one and only partner in crime gave me something so cute. it's it's it's a kaleidoscope from japan? thank you, i really like it. never expected something so cute like that from you, mr.ashman! ohh and the letter you wrote, so touching. :smiles with teeth: xD i have always enjoyed your company as well. & i do like teasing you around. but, i don't really actually get annoyed when you talk about _______.

then there's the ex-head prefect, faiz effendy. that boy, hehe thank you too for the present. but what took my breath is the little card. though small in size, the contents made me melt. so sweeeeeeeet. and his effort in going around asking every form 5 senior prefect to sign that card while hiding it from me, so sweeeet! (: you're my guardian angel too! saya sayang kp.

during reccess, some three kawan baik made us do something. something sweet.

& you boy, you surprised me today & you swept my feet of the ground!

so write me something,will you?

because I'm yours.

as i was told, love is nothing to hide.
thank you for the love.
& for today.

yours,18 days later.

8.9.08

Ribbon-wrapped Post

Today, among several other days, is a special day of the year. It is the birthday of an awesome human being.

Said human being is the one who was my partner in child crimes; who remembered all my absurd childhood dreams and decided to tattle them at the wrong moment -now- but all is forgiven; who is both my confidant and confidee -if there is such a word; who plays a huge role in my wardrobe department; who sits beside me in just about every family dinner; who tolerates my quirks more patiently than most people do; who is the reason this blog exists in the first place; who I trust with my life. She is my cousin sister.

If there is one thing I envy about her, it's her big heart and warm personality. (OK, those are actually two.) After growing up with her for almost 17 years now, I can honestly say that she is good through and through. And that makes her as rare as the book I've been trying to locate for eons now. (I later discovered that it is not sold in the country. D'oh! But I digress.) I truly believe that she brings joy to the lives of the people around her, unbeknown to her. Exuding happiness almost all the time, her company is always a pleasure to have. I wish her the very best as she chases her dream to become a travel journalist or a chef.

(When you become either, I'll be your devoted reader or customer. I give you my word. Unless, of course, you become a poet. Then I'll try as arduously hard as I can to read them. Or if your restaurant is in France. Then I'll try to save up as much as I can by starving for a while and then flying over there for your food.)

Can I ask for a better cousin? No, I don't think I can. God has blessed me with one of the best.

Selamat Hari Jadi ke-17, Elisa!

I, er, uh, well, um, uh, love, er, well, you.

That was a choking hazard. You owe me one.

Just kidding.

(for pictures and the latter part of the post, please click here.)

-all written by her, the cousin.

and this is from me to you;

said human being plays a huge role in your wardrobe department? I'm glad to be, so could our next mission attempt be after spm, before college starts so you'll have a life-changing make over before you step into a new phase of life. make sure this time, nobody pulls out or runs away.and hopefully, it'll be the last attempt.so, after this we could really go for these kinda girly girly shopping together, deal? and you forgot to add something in, i found your deepest darkest biggest secret which is probably your stack of youknowwhat in your drawers. okay, that was just for us to know, isn't it? you said you trust your life with me, so don't worry, it's all save with me. i mean those little itsybitsy tiny details we share during our bonding time. yes, i remember them just like how i remember your bizzare childhood dreams, fantasies and thoughts. they are too priceless to lose.

speaking of which being a travel journalist and or a chef, i am still torn between so many choices & paths. let's say i be a travel journalist and you as a geologist, mind if we tag along each other's 'road trips'? or what if i turn out as a chef, wait, the chef word doesn't suit me. anyhow, if i do, you can have one of my secret recipes.Or maybe i shall just invent a whole new dish/recipe just for you which you will be able to cook them yourself when on the search for more Peking man, more oracle bones or perhaps an ET, elisa tan. just kidding! or maybe something simple with curry and lots of frying included. OR MAYBE i shall just make fried curry balls, it might taste out of the world, in a very good way.

I'll make sure you'll have the 5th copy of my book if ever i be a poet or a writer.

You too are a big big blessing to me, dearest cousin.

This isn't a chocking hazard now, me sayang you. XD
there you go, debt cleared.

I promise I'll drive you to mph if i ever get my license and a car before you do.
& of course our girly days out! with ivan tagging along? (:

yours, soon to come.

under the mistletoe's.

specially dedicated to you with all my heart;

I have nothing more left to say to you, for you know me too well. you probably know me way better than myself. but, I've something I wish to tell you.

Happy 17th birthday!
you know you'll always be happy & blessed.

and I hope that your fairytale will last long; for you & thy prince will spend eternity together.

p.s*the you mentioned above is yours truly. (:

before the clock strikes twelve.

before the clock strikes;
last day being sixteen.

I'm supposed to be studying for bm paper tomorrow. but, just a quick one for remembrance. (:

Thank you thank you very much to the youth for the surprise cake. I enjoyed all of your company especially being missing in the presence of you guys for quite some time.

&& joel c, thank youuu. I like the part where you said 'come let's go swim somewhere', just to distract me. ;)

I'll be wishing.

and to you, you're a dream come true.
thy princess & thine prince.

without a trace of warmth.

I'm worried about someone.

dee dum dum, yes, trials starts tomorrow. and I'm here. oh,what a pleasant surprise.(:
we have English paper 2 and history paper 1 tomorrow. me no likey history.

anyway, here's to all fifth former nationwide & mainly my friends,
all the best of the very best in our trials.
we have to go through this no matter what, but at least we're doing it together. we have each other, remember?

try our very best & God will take care of the rest, right? ;)

***

now to someone in particular,
how are youuuuuu? please don't make me worried,
trials starts tomorrow & we have to fight this semi final war to the end, right?
Take care of yourself & I will too, promise? (:

dance under the moonlight.

sometimes i guess it's good to re-discover yourself.

then maybe we'll be able to let go of the wrong and work towards the right.

and I hope I'll be able to keep you happy for always.

till today, no regrets; not even a hunch.

love is nothing to hide.

the day after yesterday;

i had three scenario's going on inside my head, three different feelings, three different lessons learned & three different experiences.

first,

there are this group of people or in my case there are this few people who like to listen, watch, spy, observe every move I make, everything I do.

they are call eavesdropper. or more likely stalkers?
but the thing is they don't literally stalk, they listen and pay attention to whatever we, my friends say or do. And then come join in the conversation all of a sudden.

today I wrote this to my kawan baiks,

"I feel like I'm being watched at all times"

yes, I really feel that way.
they know who I'm referring to.

and that was when the kawan baik wrote back,

"love is nothing to hide."

the truth is, it's not about hiding the love. it's about invading my privacy, my time spent with my close friends, my personal issues that i only want to share with the best friends & my own sacred precious treasured moment that I only want to share with that somebody.
I don't like it when you people always come in between or when you start giving that look.
It's not nice to interrupt.

secondly,

this is going to be a bit messed up & i don't think anyone would understand except a certain one or two who really knows the whole truth.

all I have left with is,
you don't have to say those harsh words or start cursing. It's my life and if you don't want to be friends but still continue being persistent in 'taking advantage', I really don't have anymore to say to you. you yourself know that I am being affiliated to that somebody, so please stop making the whole situation a bigger mess. I'm afraid I won't have the courage to pick up the pieces and clear up the mess you've started without a solid reason. will you please be your usual self again?

It's sad how someone like you have changed.

and lastly,

high school is going to end soon.
yes, I will miss you Mr.best friend.
& you. (:

to take those steps.

29 days of being missing in the presence of certain people.

136 days of being found again and shattered smithereens being mended.

7 days into a new phase of life.

4 days to trials.